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2001-11-02 00:06:01 (UTC)

Tired of it all

I am just tired of it all. I really dont feel like I have
any close friends. I feel like everything is just going
poopy. I wish things were better. I feel like I am getting
depressed. I stayed home from school today. I didnt feel
well. I dont want to go to smallville any more. I feel so
left out. My mom says I am just pmsing. which might be true
as I am like 3 days late. but I just want some happiness. I
read some of bens letters today. I am disgusted at how I
acted. So physical. It just drives me up a wall. I dont
know. I think I will for a while just hang solo. you know
think things out. I have God as my friend. Ill talk to him
and tell him whats going on. maybe this is his way to tell
me to come closer to him. I got a letter from Jacob today.
I have this feeling that he likes me. I dont like him, and
dont want to hurt him. I am still repairing from the
sargents. thats gonna take a long time. I also act all
skanky. I hate myself after I do it though. I want to be a
P31 but It just aint happening. I want to do what I know I
should but it aint happening. I feel so cruddy. *start to
cry* I just need somthing new, be it a hair cut, a new
hobbie and new project. I am just so unhappy right now. I
mean my dance was taken away from me, Allegra like never
wants to do anything. I just am not happy.....
I wish things would change
well goodnight,
I will talk to you tomorrow.