beck, i see how hard a time you're having and i recognize
how alike we really are.
it gets better...at some point you just stop worrying
yourself to death.
i've come to a place at which i don't make up excuses
anymore but i don't push myself past my limit either.
somewhere down the line you'll be able to stop yourself
every once in a while and put things in perspective for
i know advice is easier to give than to receive, but take
things in stride, your classes and the play and everything.
i promise i promise i promise it will get easier....and you
know not to doubt me because i'm never wrong.
it's hard to write anything of substance when i don't feel
hopeless and lonesome all the time.
i've been quite stressed but just feeling so good that i've
been having a lot of fun and viewing everything with a
i came in after rehersal last night and court was watching
dawson's, so i sat down and watched the last half hour with
dawson's dad had died - pretty tragic - and i choked up
envisioning the possible deaths of my parents, but it just
wasn't enough to move me to tears.
sheldrick and jackie sang this morning with sam on piano
and it was so beautiful, the kind of thing that usually has
me crying the minute sam starts playing, but all i was
capable of was silently revelling in the amazing sound.
there are some minor things going on - homecoming and
spirit week and tennis and mithuna asking if my pants were
a psych and making mixes and eating tortellini salad and
making thanksgiving plans and worrying about how to return
joe's message - but nothing too important.
it's just little things now.
wearing a cute outfit.
feeling good on the road when i'm driving home.
giving a good tour.
having a free period to myself, sitting at the head of the
bowl listening to music and doing some reading.
looking forward to talking to casey or becky.
funny away messages.
it's getting on and i've so much work to do for tomorrow,
four or five unofficial major assignments.
so i'll be running along...