T

this could be entertaining... for someone else

I live in like this... soap opera life style kind of a
story...
I live in Jerry Springer.
im 20
i have been having an affair with this guy that im crazy
about for about 3 years.
ive cheated on him multiple times... ive betrayed him...
why is that such a big deal you ask????????
because... because x was always in love with me.. from the
beginning .. from way before he met his wife he loved me so
purely and so truly... but i turned him down.. and he felt
out of control so he met a girl with red hair and green
eyes... just like me.
and he married her after maybe 2 months..
and he told me.. and i said
"congratulations.."
UGGHHHHH stab right in the heart.. stab in the heart for me
or for him?? i guess both.. i didnt want him to be married
even though iwas seeing someone else.. i wanted to cry out
that i needed him and i wanted him.. and he wanted me to cry
out that i needed him and wanted him and then maybe we would
nt have been where we are right now.
so.
this affair has been going on ever since the get go..
am i crazy? i think my shrink thinks i am.. she wants me to
go on meds... i started seeing a shrink this week because i
am (quote unquote) irrational... impulsive... making poor
decisions that can seriously effect my life.. because.
i took off and flew down to north carolina where he lives..
to try to fix things (yes this is also a long distance
relationship) because i had cheated on him.. again... and he
ended up hitting me......
hey what can i say.. i forgive him? i do forgive him..
because the pain i inflicted on him was so much worse that
the black eye i have now..

you all must think im crazy.