Me and X
2001-11-01 17:25:28 (UTC)

this could be entertaining... for someone else

I live in like this... soap opera life style kind of a
I live in Jerry Springer.
im 20
i have been having an affair with this guy that im crazy
about for about 3 years.
ive cheated on him multiple times... ive betrayed him...
why is that such a big deal you ask????????
because... because x was always in love with me.. from the
beginning .. from way before he met his wife he loved me so
purely and so truly... but i turned him down.. and he felt
out of control so he met a girl with red hair and green
eyes... just like me.
and he married her after maybe 2 months..
and he told me.. and i said
UGGHHHHH stab right in the heart.. stab in the heart for me
or for him?? i guess both.. i didnt want him to be married
even though iwas seeing someone else.. i wanted to cry out
that i needed him and i wanted him.. and he wanted me to cry
out that i needed him and wanted him and then maybe we would
nt have been where we are right now.
this affair has been going on ever since the get go..
am i crazy? i think my shrink thinks i am.. she wants me to
go on meds... i started seeing a shrink this week because i
am (quote unquote) irrational... impulsive... making poor
decisions that can seriously effect my life.. because.
i took off and flew down to north carolina where he lives..
to try to fix things (yes this is also a long distance
relationship) because i had cheated on him.. again... and he
ended up hitting me......
hey what can i say.. i forgive him? i do forgive him..
because the pain i inflicted on him was so much worse that
the black eye i have now..

you all must think im crazy.