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2001-11-01 12:08:52 (UTC)

It's my birthday

Well, it's my birthday today, and to be honest, the only
thing I can think about right now is my dad. Today I turn
21, and instead of being able to go to the bar and have a
drink with my father and have one of those conversations
that you know you'll never forget, he's not here to. And
I'm going to probably go out tonight and get drunk, why? So
I can pass the time with a smile because I can't see what
is really happening. I watched it so clearly kill my
father, and yet I still drink. I'm not having as much as he
did, but it still strikes me as a tremendous folly. Why is
drinking such a huge thing, all it does it demolish our
bodies and minds. Yet, knowingly, we continue, as I will
today. Strike one.

I had a pin on last night that said "Give me a snog, it's
my birthday" (a snog is a kiss) And while I kissed a couple
girls, it would've been nice to have that one girl that you
want to just pull you aside and give you a kiss that will
etch in your mind forever. And instead of remembering how
drunk you were or where you were and with who, the first
thing to come to mind would be that girl and that kiss. I
didn't have that, I had a couple nice ones, but not the one
I wanted. Strike two for my birthday.

The last strike for my birthday was that, while I have so
many amazing friends here, I didn't have those three or
four best friends from home to be there, to look in their
eyes, when that clock strikes midnight, and know we're not
the kids we were before. I'm not looking in the eyes of
those kids I played with, those ones you sat at the lunch
table with or first experienced so many things with, first
cigarette, first beer, first gf and bf and helping each
other with those problems. They're now men, Rob Tim Rich
Jeff, and a woman, Lyss, and it's never going to be the
same again. We're going to start our own lives, have our
own children, maybe even move away from one another. It's
never going to be the same as it was in those first 21
years, and while you can look back on them and smile at our
great times of idiocy, you can't help but ask for a few
more years of those times. To be what you can't now, and to
be exactly what you were then. More wide-eyed with spirit
and intrigue than you could capture in a faded memory.
Cheers mates, because I'm looking back and looking at now,
and thanking everything I have that I had you guys, I
couldn't possibly replace it. So here's a drink to all of
you and to what we're going to become. I'll see you all in
another 21, and we'll see what happened this time. Two
strikes is all it gets today, because I have too much and
too many people in my life for there to be three ever.

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