confused_forever

Now what?

nov. 1 2001

I am still waiting for James to come online... I sent him a
halloween card and I know he picked it up (a new feature on
the site that tells you when the person has viewed your
card) I felt so tickled pink that he picked it up, I
wondered what he was feeling when it got it... I adressed it
to his daughter too.. What was he feeling?
I sent him and email and asked him when he would be online
next, cause I wanted to talk to him... I also told him that
hopefully it wouldn't be the weekend cause I just might see
him before that.. (being that Brett and I were going in to
the city) I also said that if he thought that I was coming
on too strong, to just tell me and I will back down!

The last thing I want to do is scare him away... I only want
to drop hints.. but sometimes I can come on a little
strongly!

Again, tonight when Brett got home he was all, cuddly and
happy with me, this warmed my heart, made me remember why I
loved Brett so much.. why i want to stay with him, why I
want to make a life with him...

But how can I go on loving james and the same time.. I want
a life with both of them and the same time... I know this is
selfish I know that I can never have that... what fairness
is there in that for either of them?

But that does not help me get over either one of my
problems..

I am still and confused and need help!