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2001-11-01 06:50:28 (UTC)

I dont know how to deal with this everday life stuff

Do you ever wonder why there is hurt in your life? No I
cant tell you the answer to that, I was wondering myself.
I just find out today that my boyfriend is hurting and
depressed. I dont know if he is reaching out to me for
help or not. He just leaves after he tells me what he had
to say. Now Im confused at all the hurt and anger hes
feeling. I went through the depression. Its not something
I would ever want to do again. I feel almost responsible.

Life isnt an easy task. Is it just that, a task? Is there
meaning? Does everybody you know really touch your life
for some reason, or is that just a saying? I dont know
either. Damn it seems like I am not learning much right
away. Is that my lesson in life, to feels others hurt, or
just enough of my own? Back in February I lost a friend to
suicide. Damn! What a way to go. I carry the hurt and
the guilt with me everyday. How can I stop that? I think
by maybe learning to forgive him. Apparently he couldnt
handle life and the chores of it. Is that what god had
planned for him? I mean did he want Charlie to go this
way? Yeah I dont know either. But I think the most
important thing that all of this has taught me is.....learn
to love and be loved. Yeah?

I hope that all of you that may read this have been loved
and have loved themselves. I have loved and I do love. I
love Andrew with every ounce of energy that was given to
me. I love him with all heart, soul, and mind. I dont
want him to be mad at me for posting his life on here, but
who knows him other then me? Yeah I didnt think so. But I
want to thank each one of you individually that read this.
I want to thank you for taking into consideration what I
write, and I hope that you at least change your mind about
something that youre planning on doing. I hope that you
consider the possibilities that you have in life. I hope
that you realize that its ok to be hurt and feel hurt, and
that you WILL heal.

I know that I am new at this, but I am not exactly new at
living my life. I want to live it to the fullest. I want
to have the things that I can, and I want to love Andrew
for eternity, and be here for him, and all that I can do.
I want to go on knowing that tomorrow is a different day
and the sun shines differently everyday. It will shine on
each one of you at some point in your life. And I hope you
had a great Halloween!

I think this is long enough for those of you that are
reading it. Thanks again for your time,