2001-11-01 05:10:26 (UTC)

Dummy Up

I'm sitting here listening to Screeching Weasel. One of my
favorite songs is on, "I'm Not In Love" and it's such a
fucking lie. Or at least I think it is. But I guess if I'm
not positive, then it's not. I don't know, I don't care, my
eye is twitching, it's 11:58 PM and normally I'd just be
going out right about now. Yet I'm already home. I'm so
fucking tired I think I'm starting to hallucinate. I was in
class earlier and I could have sworn that I saw the light
in the classroom change as though the clouds were moving
away to uncover the sun. However, it was dark out. Then the
screen window started playing optical illusion games with
me out of the corner of my eye, it looked like it was
swirling. As soon as I looked directly at it, the swirling
stopped of course.
I'm off for another eight-hour shift at the office
tomorrow. If only I had a cubicle. I wouldn't have to be
around the cranky, bitter old fat chicks who are my
coworkers. Sometimes I'll go the whole day without speaking
a word. I do the same boring shit over and over and over
all day, I never have to ask anyone questions. Today was an
exception, no one else was there so I had to answer phones
and such. It sucks being the boss' daughter...I mean I can
get away with taking a cigarette break every half
hour...and she buys me lunch every day, but it still sucks
because everyone hates me.
I feel so weird tonight, all freaked out and Twilight Zone-
ish. I hope my anxiety disorder isn't coming back. That
sucked. I couldn't go out in public without bursting into
tears or getting the shakes or something. It gets worse the
more I talk or think about it. I need to stop. This is all
in my head, I'm freaking myself out for no reason.