nighteyes

The Happier Life
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2001-11-01 03:53:09 (UTC)

Confusion

Well not much is going on my side, that is kind of wack to
start of, but I am not feeling in the best of moods now,
things are really getting weird because I am listening to
heavy metal for the first time in ages, and I guess I am
really angry at myself for making the mistake I did, I love
her so much yet I torture myself each day by pretending
that I am happy, when I am not. She makes me so happy but I
am unhappy because we are so far away and she goes out and
has fun but I cannot do that, my version of fun is
different from other people. I will get into that later,
but to put it simply, I can't have fun the way normal
people have fun because the whole party atmoshphere breeds
plain chaos and I cannot deal with that. It turns me
aggresive like I feel now, I just need a rifle of some
sort, but well I know I can never touch one. I hate myself
sometimes for the pain that I have caused her, she is the
most wonderful lady in the world and all I do is but too
wrong her. Tell me... logically or illogically what is the
right way to treat the lady you love? I try to control her
life so that I can feel some sembalance of happiness but
that will never happen. She has too much of a wild
spirit... Who cares about the way I feel? It never matters,
I mean, what kind of a gentleman would I be if I did not
treat my lady like a Lady... so no matter what the cost, I
will always put her happiness first.


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