n1cky

pinXsKy
2001-11-01 00:04:58 (UTC)

happy helloween!

dear diary...
whoa.. guess what i've been tru yeserday..
i've went to malang since sunday 28, "he" followed me on
the tuesday..
well yesterday must've been a happy day for me, but why i
felt this empty feeling ?
"he" has said what ive been waiting since the beginning of
our met... but why i can't say "yes" ?
i'm confuse to myself... is it becoz of my ego? or is it
becoz i'm too weak to fight my 'not sure' thing..
i know i'm not completely honest with him, i've hide some
of the thing that i think he must know but i can't tell
that cuz i've promised not to tell..
but it's hurt a bit inside..
well.. part of me feel proud for what i've done, but the
other part feel dissapointed...
i like "him" soooo muchh.. maybe more than everybody know,
or even "him" and myself
i enjoy my time whit "him" but seems like there's something
bothering my mind... i can't completely free do whatever i
wanna do with him. Did "he" realize that?
"he" said that my behavior and my mouth said different
thing. "he" think he know why, but did he really know it ?

diary ...
i'm ... what? i dunno.. i dunno what i feel.. i cant think
of anything else...!
i hate feeling like this..
i even cried last nite.. well this is unsual cry, cuz i did
it in hiu-net and there's "him"
i've cried infront of "him" and that's embarrasse me..
huahhh!!! all my feelings mixed together right now..
thx god i've prepared my self to say what i should say in
th past condition, but i cant do it perfectly but i made
the point =]

i wanna say sorry for "him" i do like him much, i care so
much ..
but i dont think i can express it that easy.. thats not me
may be i'd found another or maybe i'll stuck liking him
forever ..
well.. whatever that is.. i hope i won't regret it
i dont want to regret now and then ...

thx diary.... what a tough days i've been thru ..
i wrote this in mlg, i think i've runaway from home =p
plan to go to TA.. we'll see what happen next ..