Ophelia

a million miles, a thousand smiles away

March 16; 6:06 p.m.
Song(actually album...)of the moment: Horses by Patti Smith

damn you if you've never had to feel the pain of suffering
for the sake of true love. if you wake up everyday and see
the person you love and you arent insanely thankful, damn
you straight to hell. i am in love. i am in love that you
cannot imagine. and what we go through to love each
other...no one should have to deal with this. especially
not us. maybe that's selfish. but we dont. we dont deserve
this. he doesnt deserve this. maybe i deserve to suffer.
but not him. i hate hearing and seeing people take the
people they love for granted. you have no idea how blessed
you are. you could be torn apart from your love so easily.
and maybe its destiny for us to put up with this but if
thats so fate is the most evil bastard i have ever
known...mocking us, laughing at our pain hysterically. this
has made me not only question the existance of god, but to
become more sure of it. nothing mortal could have created
someone so perfect as him (call it obsession, i dont care
if you do, i dont care what you think) however, what kind
of spiteful divinity would bring us together, let us find
each other by chance and then tear us apart. these girls,
these naive children i see everyday with their petty
love...wildly gloating, their faces gleeming with pride.
not love but pride. they love who they love for their own
sake. to blow up their huge egos. i'd sacrifice anything
for the one i love. this is love in its purest form. when
you're so in love that you'll do something as insane as
putting yourself through hell and not caring because you
know it hurts just as much for someone else. someone who
doesnt deserve it. someone who you dont deserve. i dread
facing the day when i wake up in the morning knowing that
not only myself, but more so he has to deal with this once
again. this isnt anything. i manage to convince myself that
everyday, that this isnt anything, that it will all be
better soon. and it will be. but not soon enough. soon
enough was fourteen months ago. love peace empathy mischief
desire and gladness to all of you. never take for granted
the person who helps you find those things. if you do, you
dont deserve them.