Squeeb's world
2001-10-31 02:22:03 (UTC)

Confused again...

K, today is one day of the year I do not like. There are
several: October 24, October 30, Feb 7 and March 25. Well
today is because it's the day that my S's grandma died. She
was like a second mother to my mom and she was instrumental
in me meeting S. And I always felt comfortable around her so
it was a sad day when she died. Anyways most of the time I
dislike being alone greatly on this day and I am. Kim had
prior commitments and she apologized and all that which is
fine. Ok, so here's my diatribe about why I'm confused. I
just came online and turned my messenger on and saw that S
was online and I was like "OOOH!" but I was all stunned and
just as I went to like talk to him, he went offline. So I
don't know if he was just like going off in the firstplace
cuz he had something to do. Maybe he didn't see me come on
because I was only on for a few seconds before he went off.
But then the pessimistic side of myself is all like "What if
he went off or went invisible because I came ON?" But then
why would he add me in the first place? I'm just paranoid.
LMAO! This is the perfect song to fit this situation right
now: "Quit Playing Games With My Heart"- BSB. I just thought
it'd be cool to talk to him tonight because I know he'd be
going through what I am right now. We shared this experience
together. We both lost this wonderful woman, you know?
Ok, yeah- more confusion- remember the guy- speak of
the devil- and he goes off too! What is WITH these people?!
Anyways, the guy that I talked to on my other messenger and
he was all gung-ho to call me and then after the call I've
barely talked to him? Yeah, I've talked to him like a total
of 2 times after that phone call. What, did he think I was a
complete idiot or something? He couldn't have thought I was
THAT bad- he stayed on the phone with me for 1 and 1/2
hours. But so then I email him this week and he says he'll
be on all Sunday afternoon when I get back from Reading Week
but he wasn't and then just now he came on and then went off
right away again. Strange.
I dunno. I'm just really having low self esteem or
something tonight. And it was a good day to begin with. Like
I got 88% on my Sports Psych test and 100% on my Front Line
project, I got the BSB's Greatest Hits cd, went out to lunch
and here's the coolest things: 1) I was in the computer lab
today and ran into a certain Pete that would have made Tiff
very very happy. I did some research for her too so I'll
have to tell her that when she comes on and 2) Apparently
Kim ran into Kurtis today and actually talked to him- I
don't know if I believe her or not yet, we'll see.
Supposedly he said "Hey" to her or something. Have I
mentioned how cute I think those two would be together?
Anyways, I should possibly go. Buffy's coming on soon
anyways. Later.

Current mood: blah, pessimistic and paranoid
Current music: "All I Have To Give"- BSB