bluff before i

my life, my world, my mind, my soul
2001-10-30 23:19:11 (UTC)


it was a perfect day today...dark and gloomy, cold,
relaxing. it "was" a perfect day...

i just love the weather. i wished it rained though, but
it's okay...

"school was school"...that's what my boyfriend always says.
it wasn't bad. it wasn't good. it was school...more people
are starting to come up to me with their problems...i have
stories of my own to tell too and i havn't been able to
tell anyone.

saturday was fun. it was weird but started out
with band. i had a parade to perform in. we got 3rd place.
we all thought that we would have gotten a better score. i
guess the way it's raining now. it just started to
rain right now. haha :)...after the parade, i went to the
awards and it was cool because i played on the playground
with my friends from freshman year and we had fun. they
took funny pictures of us playing. one in which i was
hanging upside down...

after the parade was over and i was back at home, i called
my boyfriend as soon as i could. i missed him. we talked
about seeing each other but he said that he might not be
able to because his parents were out of town. i was sad
because we had planned it earlier that week. he told me
that he'd try to get a hold of his parents but there was no
hope. he couldn't find the phone number. so we eventually
hung up the phone and i started to clean. i got a phone
call from my mom and we were talking about me going to see
him and right when i was about to tell her that we couldn't
because his parents are out of town, i got a call on the
other line. it was him. all he said was "i'm leaving". i
didn't know what that meant so i asked him. he meant that
he would be there to pick me up in just a little while. i
was so happy and excited.

on the way to his house we rented movies and then went to
subway to get something to his house we sat down
to eat and his parents left to go out to eat themselves. we
were left alone...i'm not gonna explain what happend but i
will say that we played the movies and didn't really watch
them. the experiance was weird, fun, and i have to addmit,
amazing. even though he didn't think that i liked it, i
did, awkwardly to say.

he told me something that night that i didn't want to hear.
i was jealous at first but it turned to sadness. but then
i realized that i shouldn't be sad because i have him now
and theres nothing that can make us stop loving each other.

on saturday he gave me three shirts. i like them all. i
wore one today and i got this weird's a
longsleved baseball tee and it smells like him. he gave it
to me because it fits him tight and i'm not used to wearing
tight tee's...but anyways that's besides the point. when i
wore it, it felt as if he was holding me. it's weird and
hard to explain. i guess it's just because it wraps around
me tightly and it smells like he's close to me or something
because it smells like him. i felt secure. it was weird.

i asked him to go to knotts scary farm with me. he was
uncomfortable with the idea but i kept on asking him. i
want him to go really bad because i want to know what it's
like to be in his arms when i'm scared. i convinced him to
go but i think that it was bad of me. i guess i just want
to find security in him that's all...but i'm still not sure
if he even wants to go. it sucks that i made him promise. i
don't like it when i feel like i'm forcing or begging him.
i feel like i'm doing a little bit of both.

i'm gonna see him on halloween. that's tomarrow. i hope
that he doesn't have a lot of homework...i miss him so much
that i can't wait to see him. i just wanna spend time with
him. i wish that i could see him every day. it was our
anniversery yesterday. yup yup...back to the subject of
halloween. when i see him we might take my littlest sister
out trick-or-treating. i don't know yet, but i do know that
there is pizza involved. woop dee doo! i've been craving
it. okay enough of that. i don't know what else i'm doing
as far as seeing him that day.

whoa...this is weird. most of this entry was about him
today. hehe. i guess i just miss him.

i'm falling more and more in love with him every day.

he's perfect.