Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2001-10-30 20:08:44 (UTC)

Frustrate me

Ok. I have a tile piece due in two hours and I need to
finish a bit of it. Oh well, I can do that in the hour
before class. It is narrative, telling of an event. I just
don't have to tell him that there are people missing on the
tile. As long as I get the second piece with the chair on
it done so I can be a the correct size then I'm ok.

I am so happy right now. I went out and bought The
Backstreet Boys "The Hits-Chapter One." It is so great to
hear all the singles on one cd including their new one
"Drowning." There are two main reasons I bought the CD
besides the fact that I'm a freak for BSB. My old CDs are
wearing out and "Drowning". I have it on MP3, but I wanted
to get it on CD. That song is so good.

I feel that "Drowning" is my long awaited answer to "I Want
It That Way". "IWITW" got me to become a BSB fan. That
song and later seeing Brian for the first time (that man is
hot!!!) got me into their music. Back in hs I didn't like
their music at all. I thought it was dull, totally not my
type. I remember hearing I think it was "As Long As You
Love Me" on the radio in my car and not liking it at all.

I guess I was supposed to be a BSB fan because one day when
my friend and I were driving to my house a BSB song was
playing and when we got to my house we shut it off halfway
through the song. When we turned the car on the next day
they were half way through the song on the radio. We tuned
in at the same point we left off. At the time that annoyed
me. Now I think it may have been a sign I just didn't pick
up on.

Oh well, probably two years later I became a fan and have
been one ever since. I can't imagine life without the boys'
music in it. Their music has done so much for me. Mostly
good too.

Only when I was totally down on life did their music make me
cry. I didn't think I could find a love like they talked
about. In my mind it wasn't possible.

When my Grandmas and Aunt died last year I clung to the song
"Show Me The Meaning." I had long wanted to know what true
hurt and pain inside felt like. I wanted to understand what
other people were going through. When I found out last year
what it felt like I think I brought it on myself a bit
harder than I had to.

When my Grandma S. died I felt like it was ok in the end. I
could move past the feelings of total loss, but then Grandma
B. died and the feelings came back even stronger. When
Auntie died the feelings multiplied. I felt like life was
over and even thought about ending my life.

I am now very glad that I didn't choose to end my life.
That would have been a very terrible thing to do. There are
two many people who I would be letting down, not to mention
letting down myself. I wouldn't have met John. If I took
my life I would have ended up in Hell and that is the last
place I want to be!

My goal is to go to Heaven and meet my Uncle David for the
first time. He died before I was born and I really want to
know him. He is in the end my one most important reason for
not taking my life. If I go to Hell I can't see him. Ok,
enough of that.

There are bigger fish to fry around here. I am going to
kick an RA if they don't put our mail out. I have not had
any mail in my box in at least 5 days and I have mail that
should be here by now. I purchased some BSB trading cards
from a girl over the net and sent her the money. Now she's
asking if I got the cards and I certainly have not. I am
frustrated that our RAs don't give a damn about us. They
don't always show up for office hours and don't want to come
over here if you page them on the duty pager.

Ok, they get free boarding and a small paycheck for doing
this. I know that isn't much, but it is something. They
should be able to do their job! You know what, even if they
just put out mail and didn't do anything else I would be
happy. The only thing I am concerned about is the mail. I
am lucky that my ballot got in my box. One of our RAs Nick
actually does his job. He also has to do the jobs that the
other RAs didn't do.

If this keeps up I'm going to talk to the person above them
or whatever and complain. I am sick of not getting my mail
on time! That is no way to keep students on their side.

As I listen to this CD for the second time today I wish that
I could go off into a dream world. A world where I could
just do whatever I wanted without deadlines and projects
due. Without the stresses of real life. If such a world
existed I would be there. I would bring John and The
Backstreet Boys. BSB could play whatever they wanted
whenever and I would listen. I would love every minute of it!

I am sick and tired of doing things for other people. All
of my professors and people who want me to do things can go
screw themselves! It is a never ending process of doing
work for other people. I will do that later, but right now
I want to do something for me.

As a Graphic Designer I will be doing things for other
people. Making them the way my client wants them, not the
way I want them. Right now I want to do my own thing.

I think it would be cool to take a few months off and follow
BSB around the world as they do whatever they do. Right now
isn't the best time for that though since they have some
sort of down time after they hit some Asian countries (I
think). They start recording the new Album in February. It
will be their fourth US album and 5th world wide album. I
am hoping that this Hits album will be in the top five for
album sales this week. I know it won't beat any records,
but it would be great to show The Boys how much the fans
care by getting it into the top five.

Breaking records wasn't anything major until BSB set a new
record in 1999 with the release of Millennium, their second
US album. It made breaking records so cool. NSYNC had to
go out and beat it, but it's all good. BSB did it before it
was cool and they didn't have to cheat to win either. I
have heard some things that NSYNC are said to have done to
win. Not so much them, but things JIVE did for them.

I have no problem with it though. JIVE simply recognizes
the fact that NSYNC won't last as long as BSB. Their music
is so "NOW" and BSB has a real chance at a long lasting
career. They've been arond 8 years and have at least
another 8 they can put out. I hope they are around for
another 50 years or so. They can take all the time off they
need in the middle of that, but as long as they can come
back and write new albums and sell record amounts it's all good.

What would be amazing is if BSB put out an album of new
stuff in, oh say, 20 years and it broke record sales. I
wouldn't mind if it was the follow up to their next album
that is due out in mid to late 2002. If that's what happens
I would still be happy.

I doubt that will be the case, but it doesn't matter. As
long as they don't totally leave the bussiness and put out a
song or two every few years I'll be happy.

They all seem to be launching off with new projects of their
own individually so I'm happy for them. Kevin has an
Organization called Just Within Reach (JWR) for
environmental preservation that is dedicated to his father
Jerold Wayne Richardson (JWR)who died of cancer in 1991 and
he is also big into their record label KBNHA records. Brian
is doing a lot for his Healthy Heart Organization for
helping people with heart problems and he and his wife
Leighanne started Brileigh productions to help out young
actors/actresses and singers. Howie has The Dorough Lupus
Fund for his sister Caroline who died of Lupus in 1998. AJ
has The Jonny NoName Foundation and will record a Jonny
NoName album. Nick has a sea life charity.

They all have other projects so I wish them well. I don't
need them constantly putting out music because they have
lives of their own.




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