g ir l nex t d o or

Fire Lillies H2O
2001-10-30 05:59:12 (UTC)

beautiful,confusing day

I haven't felt the need to write because the thoughts I
have been having are confusing and difficult, yes, but they
are also very soft and fragmented. I am thinking very much.
More to the point, I am dwelling very much. I know that I
need to pull myself from the rut...I have been dwelling
quite quietly on the same thought for years and years. I
have taken the incubation period and now need to move on
with it. Really and truly. I have to ocntinue on with it
all.

I am torn in my relationships, but I need to let that sit
on the side because I will have no life by the time that
figures itself all out. I can't dream of one person while I
kiss the other. I have much love for both. They are both
highly intense,but very different in their components...

BUT
I need not thik of that because my life will pass, and I
will be unfulfilled, and I will not be a girl worthy of any
other. I will have nothing to share.

SO
I bake, I work out, I write, I dream of another job, I
think of my hobbies, I think of classes, and how I must
take steps to these things...

I have been paralyzed so long because of his leaving, but I
can't pin that on him. I pin it on myself. I am the only
one responsible for my behavior, and my care.

I must care for myself now.

Love,
girl next door.