A Crazy Persons Thoughts
2001-10-30 05:08:06 (UTC)

my friends

im really starting to get worried. jess is getting pretty
bad. she thinks she can handle it, but i know she cant.
actualy, she knows she cant, but she says she can.
sometimes i think i know her better than she knows herself.
she got a couple of books on anerexia, and she thinks
that's good. danny thinks it's progress. i know it's not. i
know it's just her thinking she can controll it. but i have
no right to say anything at all. im so frusterated. i think
i made her mad too. and i want to tell someone now. her
hair is starting to fall out. and other things are
happening. it's really scaring me. seriously. what if
something happens to her? i cant let that happen. i have to
tell. but if i do, she will never forgive me. i mean, never
ever. i would ruin her life. what can i do? i cant betray
her. i know how that feels. so im stuck here. doing
nothing. feeling helpless yet again.
i have homework to do. i dont know why im not doing it. i
stayed home today just to do it. i dont know what else to
do. i thought everything would be all better. why isn't it
better? i went to therapy again today. it's not fixing
anything. i haven't learned anything new. i dont know how
to fix it. i feel so helpless yet again. and it's my fault.
everyone else has done what i asked of them. now it's just
up to me. and here i go letting everyone down again. even
myself. especially myself. ugh. i hate the way everything
has turned out. what i wouldn't give to be normal like meg
and danny. if i could just start all over. im doing
everything all wrong yet again. why wont anyone just tell
me what im supose to do? im completely lost.
well, whatever. i dont care anymore. no, that's a lie. of
course i care. i always care. that's the problem.

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