Clouds n Sun
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2001-10-30 01:34:03 (UTC)

29 Oct 2001 7:23 pm, Ways out of Hell

Since it's Halloween and fall's a spooky time of year, with
it's feeling of death and everything (even tho it's my
favorite time of year), and since I often, lately, go
around thinking my life is hell, I thought I'd write about
some ways to get out of it.
1. Pulling a plugged-in radio in the bath tub with me.
2. Hanging myself from the rafters in the shed, they
should be tall enought if I used a short rope.
3. Classic sleeping pills.
4. Shotgun in the mouth.
But anyway, I hope I never carry any of these plans out.
Right now, I am miserable, but a cliche I once heard seems
honest to me-that you can't have a rainbow without rain. I
won't do anything fun for Halloween, I have to work. Dad
took Mom to the doctor today and she came back crying. He
really does treat her like shit. I told her I'd take her
to see a lawyer and she could file for a divorce. Both of
my parents I think are major contributors to my
unhappiness, my parents, and my job, my loneliness. Aunt
Alma and Uncle Jerry came by today at 11, I had been asleep
for exactly two hours, after getting off work at 7 am.
Jesus what an awful job I have. I went back to sleep when
they left, slept until 3 when Mom and Dad got back, ate
dinner with Mom and went back to bed, only to wake up with
the alarm clock chirping like some foul-mouthed night bird
at 6:30 pm. It's quite a shock waking up when it's dark
outside. I made coffee and went on the back porch to
smoke, waiting for the sun to rise in my soul, but knowing
as a fact that it won't rise again until 6 am or so
tomorrow morning, at which time I'll be in the factory,
listening to the slap of steel wire as it winds its way
through the rolling line, hoping that it doesn't break so I
won't have to weld it again. I'll be black with metallic
dust and grease by the time I get home tomorrow, sore in my
back and dim-witted in my mind. My job is a killer.

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