just a girl

Hey, new entry already! (2..

Hey, new entry already! (2 minutes later). Wow, so
much happened in just two minutes (no, not really). But
onto a new subject:
To the disappointment of some, I am not going to cuss
and carry on like a mad-woman in this diary. I'm supposed
to try to be like Jesus. I'm a Christian and being a
follower or "disciple" of Jesus is a HUGE part of my life.
Though, as seen by my terrible work ethic, I am not
perfect. No where near it. I also have a bad temper. And
I have a tendency to lie. But I try to be good, and when I
mess up, I talk about it, and I try to do better next
time. That's all God asks of us.
I'm teaching a girl named Monica about God these days.
I like her. At first I thought she didn't like me, but I
assume that most people don't like me. I've had this self
esteem problem since I was little. Now I'm starting to see
that she does like me, and we're having fun hanging out.
I remember back in first grade when I moved from one
school to another, I thougt that no one would miss me.
Then my classmate's mom told me that her daughter cried and
cried after I left. I could hardly believe it. I didn't
know she liked me at all!
Sometime I will explore the painful subject of my high
school experience. It basically sucked real bad. I
assumed no one liked me and I kept to myself (except for
boyfriends). I'm much more social now (thanks to being a
Christian), but I still struggle in social situations.
People don't understand why I think people don't like me.
I act real confident on the outside, and I guess I'm fun to
be around, but on the inside I am flat terrified to talk to
people.
I have to be around you a whole lot and we have to know
each other very well before I will begin to be my true
self. Some people never see it, even after years. So an
online diary is a great way to be myself, in total
anonymity. Only my husband and a couple others see me as I
really like to be (very goofy and weird I guess). My
husband and I like to make chicken noises and do stupid
little dances and things like that. I wonder if there are
a lot of people out there like this? We would make a
pretty good Saturday Night Live act as the "Odd Couple."

Signing off -

Carrie (the Caredog)