nyucatherine

nyucatherine
2001-10-29 20:10:12 (UTC)

untitled #3

i think i want to talk to you again
notice
i did not say that i think i’m ready
i am just aware of the want
i wish i could sometimes
i feel like i come so close
to calling you
but i actually don’t
i get more comfort
by just playing the situation out
in my head
i imagine that we talk and it’s great
but there’s this nagging feeling
inside me
that converts every laugh into an awkward silence
every joke seems hostile
whatever i have done doesn’t matter
i am not the sole problem
all of our problems
still exist
i still know that you can’t care about me
you’re not thinking about me
i can’t use a scapegoat to escape
the fundamental problems in our relationship
you are unreliable
and i am pathetic
nothing
if i go back now
we’ll continue dancing around
this stupid problem
nothing will be helped
nothing will be solved
i keep dividing you up
reifying you
quantifying you
the good separate from the bad
i can’t blend you together
i can only see you a prince
or an ass
i don’t know why, but
i can’t see you
i’ve tried so hard
or maybe you’ve tried so hard
all i know is that i’m tired
i’m still just not ready
just not ready
to talk to you
let’s put a pin in this
smile, and ignore it
thank you
goodbye


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