i got really emotional today...
i got really emotional today. emily and i have been
argueing a lot recently. most likely due to the fact that
we see a lot of each other. which is good and bad. the
argueing part is more bad definetly though. its not like we
even argue about shit that has any sort of substance. its
all stupid shit. and its more her arguing with me, than
anything. when im not with her,im not home. i go out with
other people. i experience a lot of other shit. she doesnt.
she sees me...all of her friends live in other cities and
shit. so, i guess it makes sense that she would be the one
feeling the most, i dont want to say smothered. but you
know..whatever word is appropriate. completly
understandable. i guess i didnt really think about that
before. and i think maybe i should have. sometimes i can be
really dense. so, were not going to see each other as often
as we have been. which i think could be a really good
thing. for her. and for me. and, for us. i love this girl a
lot. crazy amounts. and i know that she loves me too. so, i
mean, although thats not all that matters. it makes a huge
fucking difference. and, being close to someone. isnt
always a bad thing. and realizing that you can be happy
without someone. is a really good thing. shes not all that
makes me happy. but, she does make me very happy. i dont
think i could ever let myself get THAT attached again. its
really unhealthy. it sucks for me, this whole not seeing as
much of her thing, because i do have a balance. for the
most part. but i know that she needs that too. and of
course, im willing to give her what she needs. as long as
im happy at the same time.
adrienne...hm. god. yay. i needed that to be fixed...i
jennifer is a wonderful person. she fucking listened to me
completely like just talking about myself and what i was
upset about and shit today. and you know. all she really
said to me was "ashley. i love you. and everything is going
to be alright. itll all work out." and you know. she
fucking rocks. thats all i ever really need to hear. you
know. i know right from wrong. i just need some reassurace
for myself sometimes. and fucking. yeah. thank you for that.
i really need to fucking sleep.