Heart of Tanglewood

The Ravings of a Teenage Girl
2001-10-29 03:25:36 (UTC)

Adam's song

I heard this story about a kid who commited suicide. They
had put Adam's song By: Blink 182 on repeat and listened to
it for hours on end. Everytime I listen to the song it
sounds so depressing. It sounds like emotional emptyness. I
think alot of kids these days have emotional emptyness. You
know, that feeling in your chest, like as if any minute your
going to stop breathing. It isn't physical, but it's like
you want to cry but you don't have the heart or the tears
left anymore. I've only been depressed a couple of times in
my life. Right now I'm depressed, but it's not very
conspicuous to my family. They just think I'm being bitchy.
I'm very close to my family. I put Adam's song on loop
because I want to know how it feel's. I just wonder what it
feels. Don't worry I'm not going to kill myself. I guess
it's the only way I could try to connect with that faceless
teenager who commited suicide. I don't think I've been this
depressed this much before. It's not like before when I just
wanted to sleep and I had no reason to be depressed. I've
always constantly thought about the future in terms of,
college, marriage, children, houses. Now, I think about the
future in terms of being alone, getting out of where I'm at,
maybe dying.

You know I just realized, God. I've never really thought
about killing myself. I mean we all have thoughts about
those kinds of things, but never serously. I've listened to
this song about six times and I'm thinking about dying.
That's it, I'm taking it off my playlist (for now).

I need to get out of this. I need to snap out of this. I
need to stop thinking about the future and focus on the
present. What helps to get out of depression?

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