blondeanddangerous
Blonde And Dangerous
Some Quotes from brunching.com...
Take that, you fucking thermal updrafts! Who's your remote-
controlled neon-green daddy?
I like to order items through the mail, because it involves
two of my favorite things: getting stuff and not having to
put pants on.
People eat cotton candy because they're someplace where
people eat cotton candy. It's not a delicacy, it's just
part of convincing yourself that attending an event based
around hastily-constructed ferris wheels and/or awarding
ribbons to cattle is fun.
Some of the finest ingestibles in the world have flavors
that tumble around like those weird-ass electric rolling
ferret toys on a foundation of unapologetic bitterness:
coffee, beer and semisweet chocolate.
Now this is breakfast cereal innovation! This is pushing
the artifically-colored envelope!
It's weird! It's fun! It's like there's a chiropractor in
your mouth!
You keep saying you'll do cool stuff like that and then
you're all "Hey,'Passions' is on" and you totally blow it
off.
Don't even get me started on those who use chopped onions
and still hope to spend eternity with the Lord.
"Excuse me, Mr. Rampaging Killer? Why don't you put down
the gun and take a look at this hand-held monkey? Does it
not have clever little forepaws? It eats gum and sap!"
Phones could flash in so many interesting ways that it's a
pity they use the word to mean "hang up then stop hanging
up real quick-like."
The more flesh-flavored crackers we create, the closer we
get to admitting to ourselves that we are, culturally
speaking, batshit insane.
The art of taking soda pop-tops and making them into
fashionable and attractive, in the sense of hideous and
ugly, clothing, gets points for sheer weirdness.
Macrame is the art of tying ugly string and ugly
decorations into ugly shapes in order to hold items which,
if not ugly to begin with, certainly became so upon being
swathed in this low-effort form of hippie knitting.
Disco may have been ugly, but at least it wasn't made of
driftwood.
If meeting celebrities in unpleasant dark hangouts is what
Hell's all about, it's even more like LA than I suspected.
Ah, the perennial dollar store favorite: crappy books
nobody wants based on crappy moves nobody saw.
Anyhow, near as I can tell, the most recent candidate
for "biggest-assed creature of all time" is the
Sauroposeidon ("Earthquake God Lizard").
October 1997 -- The new Merriam-Webster Standard Edition
dictionary includes the following definition for "cyber-
": "It doesn't seem to mean anything, really. People put it
in front of words, but we can't for the life of us figure
out why."
.lame
Sites proudly displaying a dozen awards with names
like "Hoagie's Pick of the Fortnight.
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Some of those may not seem funny, but believe me, to me and
my friend, they were. Just don't ask.
"Oh my God. I mean, OH MY GOD!"
Mara
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