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2001-10-28 04:49:26 (UTC)

Another Begining

So i think that i will actually try and keep this journal
going. i just deleted a lot of stuff though, cause well i
thought that i just didnt feel that way anymore or i dont
know its like that wasnt something i want to read about.
I went home yesterday, and i brought kristine with
was fun and im happy that she came. i really didnt think
she would though. lately i felt that we werent going to
hang out anymore, like we were just slipping away from each
other. each of us getting into new things and well we would
slowly just forget who the other was. so it was nice that
we had time to hang out. and it was nice that we could hang
out without me still wanting her. its been for a while now
that i realized shes not what i want. and it feels so good.
like for so long i was so hung up on her and i really dont
understand why i was. she wasnt right for me at all.
shes right for me as a friend though, because im just
comfortable with her and i feel like i still need her to be
in my life somehow. like i remember one day we were in my
room here and she asked if i would die for her? and i said
yes i would. because honestly i would in a second and there
are well i dont even know any others that i would do that
for. it wouldnt even cross my mind. weird huh?
so it was a good night and it was nice to be with my mom
and dad for a little while, but as much as i am nice to
them and how hard i try, i still feel like i dont belong
there. im not the real me when i am home, i cant be who i
want to be and it drives me crazy. i cant be there for any
more of my life. i love them but we are just to different
and its too hard.
all night long i thought about tracy. i pictured her smile
and the little faces that she makes. the way she walks and
her hands. shes got great hands. i feel like i should start
a new entry to start this thing with her.