2001-10-28 02:58:09 (UTC)

here we are again,

I feel so artificial, life just kinda sucks. Well let's
see, about, you know, the dude. Well I finally understand
our relationship with him and thank god I finally realized
it, he most definately is just in it for the fun. To have
fun, to flirt. It's nothing else. That way this is
innocent. I finally got it. That practically solves it.
Although, I thought since he did ask me for a picture
of myself, I asked my mom can I lend the car and my bro.'s
cell for a day and take 3 of my buds on a little trip
around town. (I already have one person on my list.) All
I'm waiting for is for her to let me. I know she wants to,
but she's just really scared. I can tell. But I won't let
myself be ignored any more. I want things, I've always
wanted several things to happen to me, I wanted my dreams
to come TRUE! Instead, I was deprived of them. ALL OF THEM!
It's time to get them back. But that's a whole other reason
for this little Town tour. The main reason which brought me
to this was him. Since he wanted a pic, I thought I might
as well show him the whole Chicago while I'm at it. Just so
it's not so new to him when he comes. (And besides, when he
comes, I wanna do something like this again. Except either
only him and me, or him, me and his buds.)I gotta save some
cash though, cause I'M gonna be the one showing him around,
therefore I'M gonna be the one to pay. I don't care what my
friends say. That I shouldn't, or that I don't have to. I
want to damn it. I think it'd be swell of me. Besides, if I
wanna drag him somwhere where he is not to sure he wants to
go, I better pay, if he's not having a fun time. (So if I
pay and he does have a fun time I get more "bis"'s.) :0)
When he comes, I hope my French will be a little
better, (since it is the language of love,) ;0) I was
hoping to tell him all these sweet things in French, when
the time is right of course. I'd tell him, "C'est de cry do
neciel," (I know that is not how you spell it.) I know he's
not much into French, if any at all, but I just think It'd
be sweet. I wanna give him a visit of Chi-Town he'd never
forget. I hope it'll happen.

By the way, I got in the play, I thought I would,
kinda, but as usuall I knew I wouldn't get a big part, I
got the part of a security guard at first, but then my
friend wasn't able to come for rehearsal, so I got her
part. I'm happy on my part. Now I'm part of the capulet
gang. Romeo is so cute and cool. He's this short (well
shorter than me,) Asian dude. I remember him from the
rehearsal, I was hoping I'd get to audition with him and I
did. :0) But anyway, I guess the people who go the major
roles got them cause they were kinda cheezy and they just
look right for the part. Therefore I'm happy I didn't get
Rosaline. (Although I totally wouldn't mind making out with
Romeo.) You see Rosaline, the chick who plays her, looks
kinda like a tramp, no offense, she's just got that kind of
look to her. Juliet looks cute and chubby, she's just right
for the part. Ophelia is charming. T-Bull the thug he
should be. Benji, like the smart, next door close buddy
look, he's got. Mercury, looks like a descent bud. Last and
not least, of course Romeo, he looks sensitive (with his
kick ass spikes, and bitch ass eyes, ooooh damn.) :0)
Aside from that, I got a cool new friend which I met
in Theatre Tech, we're both in the play, both capulets. She
is so funny. (I might just ask her to join me for that
Chicago trip I've been talking about.) Well anyway, I've
got a test on Tuesday in English and one in French, I have
a Quiz in French on monday, I had my constitution test just
this Friday. (Falling asleep on it since for the first time
EVER, I nadn't slept the whole night.) The reason for that
was cause I was rewriting my notebook for Music
Appreciation which was gonna be graded the next day. (I got
an A.) Although I think I seriously fucked up on my
constitution test. Oh well. I don't really care. Progress
reports are gonna arrive soon. I think I'm getting A's and

But anyway, I miss people. I miss the dudeliest of the
dudes. I miss my bud Teresa. She was a TRUE DUDE! I know I
prabobaly won't be able to go to her over the summer since
I quit my job to have more time to do homework and not
exhaust myself. Tomorows my last day. I went for a job
interview today, to model, I didn't like it. I really don't
know what I wanna be in life. I gotta be alone to figure
this out. But I won't be able to unless I get away from my
parent's. They don't let me go anywhere alone though. They
try to give me anything, but they will never be able to
give me that. If they would be able to, they won't then,
cause they are not willing to. How can I find myself if I
don't have any time alone with myself?

On that note, I'd like to say goodnight,