My problems.
2001-10-28 02:57:36 (UTC)

What A Day......

Today was quite the day... Throughout the entire day I
was moving arcade games into my families storage
area. So I really didn't get online a lot. Moving the
games was extremely boring and I don't know if
anything could be boringer. So this started to be one of
the worste weekends of the school year. Until...

I heard a song. Not an ordinary song, but a significant
song. The song that me and my friends were listening
to right before we were hit by another car. "I'm Real" by
J. Lo Featuring Ja Rule. This song is significant to me
because its the last thing I heard before the impact of
the other car. I won't go into detail though. I'll just say
that everyones alright and I'm extremely lucky.

Back to the song though. This song means a lot to me
because its kinda how I feel about Angela. Everything
that Ja Rule says is kinda how I feel about Angela.

"The way you walk, the way you move, the way you talk"
"The way you stare, the way you look, your style, your
"The way you smile, the way you smell, it drives me
"And I can't go on without you."

So I got a thinking about her and my relationship and
relized that the only reason I'm not skippin school every
Monday and Friday is because I look foward to seeing
her. I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head so I
decided to talk to her about it. And I learned some
important stuff. I learned that she needs time, she
needs time to get unafraid. And perhaps when the time
is right we will be together again. I guess its
something to look foward to and I can't do anything but

The only thing I don't understand really is why she won't give me
a chance. A chance to show her who I am, I chance to show her
how much I care. To show her how much I want to be with her.
She gave me a 6 day chance... But I guess my chance is up. I

Sorry If I'm confusing you, I'm confusing myself as well.

Onto a new subject, I was told on three different
occasions from three different people that I am "too
nice." One went as far as to say that I'm unseen
because of it. How can someone be too nice you ask?
Well I guess all you have to do is look at me. I really
never get mad and never really go beserk on anyone.
But it also has to do with the rejection thing. I guess I'm
just afraid that if act spontanius or do stupid things
people will think I'm doing it for attention. But Angela
told me an important thing today. She told me that I
need to LIKE MYSELF. I think that shes right. I have to
get comfortable with myself before I can actually
change. I want to become a better person, someone
people can count on but also have a good time with.
I guess I'm a dull person to hang around because I
never do anything interesting, never do anything fun, but
thats because I help my parents at their store. It's
important for me to be there and stuff but I guess they
don't trust me enough to let me go home alone after
school. The insist that they need my help yet I hardly do
anything. I guess I have to earn their trust.
What else can I say.... My parents really don't let me go
out much because I don't have a girlfriend. I guess if I
had a girlfriend I could do a lot of different stuff, but I
don't. I don't have a girlfriend. Why you ask? That one
thing again... the fear of rejection. I'm afraid I won't be
who they think I am. Or I may screw up or something. I
dunno what I'm gonna do. I guess I'll just wait and see
what happens. Hopefully things will get better, but until
then I'll just have to watch how things turn out.