Borrowed Light
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2001-10-28 00:40:53 (UTC)

Gutter Mouth

i am so sore. every single muscle and bone hurts and im
very very tired. i dont think i will go to church. i think
i will stay home and sleep.

i went to the campout last night and i really wish i
didnt..it was a total disaster and not one of beck and jens
better ideas! i dont think i will go to stuff like that
anymore..i always end up frustrated. jen is the only person
i can handle 24/7 that i know of. i havent spent the night
with a few people (eg.corey) so i wouldnt know bout them,
but i assume it would be ok. robs alright to, but he gets
moody sometimes. i think i might avoid all those social
activities for a while because they are not bettering me in
anyway. i hated evryone there last night, literally hated
and i dont want to do that. i wont even explain my reasons
here because they will sound trivial, its just the little
things i get fed up with sometimes.

mine jens and becks aim was to swear less, but i guess they
both take that back. there is something so ugly and trashy
about swear words especially when they are used so often so
bluntly and casually. regardless of the way its meant it
still hurts a little when people start telling yo uto f***
off for simple things like leaning on them. even worse when
they start saying it to frogs and mosquitoes etc etc. it
put me in a really bad mood actually, it sounded so gross
especially coming from the girls, and if i hear one more
sexual dumb comment out of any of the guys im going to
puke. occasionally its funny but at 1am when they are
simulating a threesome right were you are trying to sleep
for like half an hour straight its plain annoying.
especially when you have encouraging giggles happening in
the background...i guess in short my friends get trashy,
horny and flirty at sleepovers. a bad combination and one
from now on i am going to try and avoid. well sorry bout
the bitch session...

i ended up sleeping on the ground last night after popular
decison to kick me out because i was the only "tired" one.
so i got all dirty, more sore and absolutley froze to
death. worse even i didnt even get to sleep...i just hate
it how people can be so horrible all night then think its
all cool the next day. i dont hold grudges, everythings all
cool. but like i keep saying, im avoiding that from now on.

joe is talking to me, but it still feels a little weird. im
always left wondering whether he has an ulterior motive,
probably just being paranoid.

well i walked from becks to the station today all by myself
and i am soo exhausted. lucky i had water or i would have
spontaneously combusted i swear...lol probably not.

my rekindling with god seems to have disappeared now, cant
blame him really, im such a procrastinator. it indubedebly
;) had something to do with last night. i hate it how
everyone lives two lives, all holy at church and well...not
on saturdays. i have been making a concious effort to be
the same at both and seeing the real me falls in betwen
both i have been feeling a little out of place at both...oh
well life stinks.

ooh ooh ooh 3ep recorded thioer single and it sounds good. the vocals
are a little loud but it is still cool for a first single! i am so
proud of those guys!

my most frustarting moment over the past day? ash tried to convince
me destroit is a word, if i know anything its the english language
and he also could not use the word in a sentence.

im gonna go watch "the game" thats a pretty good vid.


lots of noble quotes today, stumbled across a site:

Only when the clamor of the outside world is silenced will
you be able to hear the deeper vibration. Listen
carefully. — Sarah Ban Breathnach

I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing
of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am
saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am
not saying. — Charles C. Finn

Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)
Act so that your principles of action might safely be made
a law for the whole world.

"I am free of all prejudice, I hate everyone equally" WC
fields (not really lol is just cool)

"i wish you would read a little poetry once in a while,
your ignorance cramps my conversation" Anthony Hope