Infiniterocker

hypertension!

I'm really on edge. I shouldn't be because I'm having a
great time aside from my doubt. I keep thinking that Jason
is fucking with me. But then I know that if I was to tell
him to go away I would regret it. I know that when he isn't
fucking around and he looks at me..and I look at him...I
know. I know he is right. I know he is right for me. I know
if I was to make him go away I would have some really cool
guys to date... I know that it would make lots of people
happy..but then I would be lying to myself. I would compair
them all to him when I was ready to pick one anyway. And
Jason would find someone else..because he always does..and
all would be lost. Or maybe it wouldn't..if it really is
meant to be..which it isn't ..because I'm me. God. I don't
know. It's funny..I'm so comfortable around him...but then
I do find myself holding back..but when it comes to telling
him how I feel...I'm pretty OK but not all theway
there..that's my fault though. I don't completely trust the
idea of him just wanting to be with me. I'm realllly
skeptical. I want to believe. I know that if the day ever
comes when I have no walls...when I feel safe..I know that
everything would be so great between us. He doesn't show me
I don't know.