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2001-10-27 18:20:50 (UTC)

So confused...

Ugh, I'm at work right now, and it's so boring. It's only
2:00 and I still have three hours to go. I did leave for a
little while to get a cup of hot chocolate with a muffin,
and I called Vicki to talk. She always makes me feel
better when I'm bummed out, even though I know she gets
tired of my complaining ;) I wish she didn't live so far
away because I miss being able to just go out and have a
good laugh. She's one of the most special people I will
ever know. Which brings me to another problem. I'm told
that Cheryl rather frequently feels that I'm mad at her,
which, is not true. I really am tired when I talk to her,
and sometimes frustrated at not fully understanding what
she's telling me over the phone, but I've never and never
plan to be mad at her for anything. I was a little
disheartened last night when she said she was invited to a
frat party by an ex boy something, and she was going to
go. I wasn't going to say anything because she's been
wanting to do something fun lately, and I didn't want to
spoil it. But, I don't think she realized that it would
make me uneasy. She could tell I wasn't like, "yeah! go
ahead!" and I told her it made me uncomfortable. Then,
this morning she said that she didn't end up going, but it
didn't have anything to do with what I think, she would've
gone away, but she was just tired! I'm so confused. Is
she telling me that she's going to meet other people, or
does she just mean she doesn't care how I feel? It's very
hard, and Vicki thinks it's stupid not to ask her. I know
she's right, but I don't want to make confrontations if
it's only trivial. But if I feel so bad, is it still
trivial? I suppose that telling people exactly how you
feel is the best idea, but I just get very nervous
sometimes. I don't want to offend anyone, especially
Cheryl. Well, hopefully I'll solve this properly.
The cat here however, is clawing the books, so I guess I
should stop him :) Well, it might be the best
entertainment I see today so maybe not!... lata...