Ophelia

what if the clouds refused to rain

March 14, 2001; 4:54 p.m.
Song of the Moment: M by the Cure

i am thinking so much about nothing in particular, about love,
about the person i love, the people i love but mostly the
person i love most. does that make sense. i dont care if it
does. it doesnt have to. because its my thoughts, no one
else's. today was so gorgeous, staring out the window on
the way home, raining...perhaps not raining ,more like
drizzling. and just enough to be noticable. i was trying to
figure out which direction the rain was falling from, i
dont think i ever did. there was a rainbow. it was the
biggest one i've ever seen i think. really light though. i
wonder how many other people noticed it. when its like that
outside, when its so beautiful but you've got to be really
observant to recognize it, you notice other things too.
like how that run down house in the city has the same
house numbers as me. i've got something in common with
those people now. but the 3 in their numbers was slightly
crooked. it makes me wonder about those people. i wonder
who they are and what they think about and what they worry
about and why they won't repaint their house or straighten
the 3. maybe its because they have more important things to
fix. they're more concerned with fixing more important
things. their lives. but its impossible to fix a life. i
dont think a person can fix their own life. another person
has to for you. its impossible to completely take credit
for saving your own self. i think its fair to say that a
person could be considered quite egotistical if they
honestly thought they were not dependant on anyone else. i
know i am. i'm completely sure of it. i give myself no
credit for my personal sanity. that belongs to every other
person i have ever encountered in my life. love, peace,
empathy, mischief, desire and gladness forever...