dismal life
2001-10-27 15:22:40 (UTC)


It's Saturday...I'm feeling kinda low =( Having problems
with friends, lovers etc...I feel like I want to die
everyday. Feeling helpless again. Going through withdrawal.
Haven't smoked pot in 2 days and I'm already going crazy.
Having problems with Mike (the boyfriend) and we've just
started going out. Feeling like I've made the wrong choice.
The savior (Lizzie) makes me happy. She understands me. I
love Mike...I do. He can be great sometimes but then other
times it's just like WHY? Why are you doing this to me?
What am I doing wrong? Why can't I be happy with my life?
Why do I always want more? Selfish, greedy me. FUCK! I'm
helpless again. Babbling on and on (almost not making
sense) about this dismal life of mines. I need help. Carol
(the therapist) says I'm doing better. Taking my medication
regularly. Almost feeling normal again. Stop cutting but
still having suicidal tendencies. AH me..I'm going to stop
before I get really depressed..