My thoughts exactly...
looking back... and coming back...
Wow. It's been nearly 3 months since I entered something here. And
I haven't because I've been overwhelmingly busy! What a crazy life.
But nothing really bad. I am enjoying life. Breathing it in.
Wow. Yeah I just said that. The realization just came to me that I
haven't written since the events of September 11. How tragic that
day.. week.. was. No, not just even that week, but an ongoing
struggle, not only for our country, for the mourning families - but
for people close to me. It sometimes is hard to watch others hurt.
And maybe sometimes that turns it away from me. Although I haven't
really felt like I've gone totally downhill, I watch others who
hurt. And yes, I do ache heavily inside about this whole situation -
I didn't want to be thought of as an insensitive prick.
My prayers are with the leaders of our country. What a tough job
this is --- damn, what an understatement!
OK this is a journal thing, so let me get this off my chest. It is
wonderful to see the people of our country come together in unity.
There is a sense of patriotism that I haven't seen since I was a
kid. Part of the sad part of it is, it took a tragedy to do this.
But I know it was some sort of a reminder. God could have been
trying to wake us up. God could have been using it to touch
individual lives, not just the country as a whole. Just a thought.
I haven't heard anything negative about our president being in the
office.. anything major, anyway. But no matter how one feels about
the president, I want to say (my personal opinion) that he is doing a
good job. I'm not jealous of his position. But I believe he will
carry out his responsibilities. So in the sense of watching our
country come together - no matter what political affiliation you
hold, it's good to support him during this time. I have utmost
respect for those who can hold their personal stands, if they are not
in the same party, but people can agree to disagree and still get
(step, step, step...) That's me coming down from the pedestal now.
Alright, the big reason I'm writing in today. First, because I
haven't been here in forever. But I was drawn back because I needed
an outlet for some shit that has been going on lately.
Wow, and I had four messages waiting for me! Cool. I need to reply
to those soon. Hopefully they haven't been sitting here in the
earlier part of my three-month absence! And maybe they are regular
readers. Hope so... kinda! My intention for this journal was to
just talk things out, even to help me. And sometimes it's tough to
write "for me" when part of me knows someone will stumble here.
That's fine and dandy, and maybe people here help each other. That
would be cool.
OK. I looked back at some of my previous entries. Damn, I am a
talker. A rambler. Get to the freakin' point already! So here it
There is a work-related 'thing' going on recently, where
responsibilities were not assigned properly. I was to take on a
project for a company, and they didn't tell me that an overly
controlling person was overseeing that division for them, and now
they were hiring me out to oversee this. I'm the type of person that
comes into any task and overthrows the previous system. Of course,
if it's a new position, or the previous person left, then I just come
in and figure out what's up, then move on. But the guy "in charge"
is still there. And he has no clue, really, that the execs have
called on someone else to help with the task (that's me).
Long story short. This person has no clue what he's doing in his
division. He has no training or qualification. The reason they
asked me is because of our past experience in the type of work this
division does. But I still want to be helpful to what they need.
But this guy is unteachable, and unwilling to work with a team -
unless it's his way. Then I find out that he complained to some
people around him about me. So then I lost all respect for him, and
I now don't care.
I told the execs that I prefer to go away from it right now, if
that's alright with them. They agreed, and they need to work on
weeding out that division.
Alright. The real ventage. This guy that is presently in charge -
he's an ass.. a stupid piece of crap.. and at this point, as wrong as
it is for me to feel this way, he's a fucking moron. Oh shit, I said
it. Part of me regrets it, but part of me still agrees with it.
My personality is such that I want to get along with people. Why
have conflict when there could be a calmer way of dealing with this.
I found that calm place, and letting go of it has helped. And even
the reassurance of people around me has been good. I find out that
no one in their division really likes the guy, and they were actually
looking forward to me - or anyone for that matter - coming in to help
change things and move things along.
(sigh of relief)
Wow. Got that off my chest. Hmm, I should've called this
Alright - all for now. I'll try to get back into the swing of
things, to just document some of my through processes, like back in
July. Gotta make myself do that! Things just get away from me