.Scream Your Dream.

Emo Violence
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2001-10-27 13:19:40 (UTC)

heart racing...

wow, so last night was pretty amazing... our show went
well, without a few bumps, its not a real show anyway
right. so all the bands played well, sound was a little
screwy for junior, but the back in black worked perfectly.
fall faster played well, but i WISHED i had earplugs cause
the guitar was so high, i couldnt take it, so i stood to my
side and covered up my left ear, as i always do, i think my
right will be noticbly worse one day. i will bring my ear
plugs if i go tonight. in other news, after i saw a little
fall faster, we went to see some rescue the past but they
werent playing yet, so i talked to jim and some guys
breifly and i came back to chill on the couches with the
junior boys, marcus and some other kids. i nodded a sigh
in my mind and knew where i wanted to be. maybe i have
figured some of the mystery of clint out, in my eyes at
least, when rachel gave/threw his boxed heart back to him
wihtout notice or warning, it was almost completely
destroyed, that makes him a callus person, tough and unable
to show emotion. it makes me sad to see him, becaues i can
tell hes hurting in side but he wont let the hurt out.
this brings me to my next point, i decided to go back to
the indy show to hang with jim, i was being a little
flirty, but not obnoxious, he offered me a ride home, and i
accepted, i felt bad cause i was all over him and anne
michelle (my partner in teenagge-emo-boy's-hearts-stealing
love/crime) was being distant. but i forgot about that
soon enough. i said good bye to a few, alicia, maybe
jarred and those kids, will, rich, and some of fall faster,
i didnt see clint or zac, i said good bye to joe though.
in retro spect i wish i wouldve just said good bye the
them. they never left with out saying good bye to us. i
will write and thank them for playing, maybe that will
compensate for my one-track-boy-consumed mind. but maybe
not though, so on the the other stuff. Jim and i start a deep
converstion on the way to my house, he parks in front, and
we dont stop talking, we stayed in his truck from, i think about
10:20 to 11:10, and then i asked him in, (we discussed many
things like religion, his childhood, past, and xgirlfreids,
ideas and belifs shows and mroe) he came in, and i showed
him my room, we went back downstairs and talked straight
love untill midnight, he called his home, and left shortly
after. i recieved an unprepared-for and unexpectedly long
hug, it was awkward at first but i knew he just wanted a
friend, i let him talk almost the whole time, because i
know thats what he needed. while we were hugging he told
me he didnt want to leave. we exchanged #s and he left. i
leaned against the wall and sighed. wow. that was
intense. i went to brush my hair, and i looked back at the
door, and he was still there in his truck, i went to bed
with my heart racing and i awoke with my heart racing. this
is crazy, we may go to tylers party or maybe the show
tonight. i need to convince my dad to let me do whatever i
want to do tongiht, and hopefully maybe get off going to
the airport to pick ben up, this is important.

anyway, so i dont know what to think, ive decided to
let clint vent and thats all,
im nothing more than an emotionally dependendable friend. i
joked with zac alot i feared that he thought i was too
coarse with him, really, its just that im comfortbale
enough to josh with him, its ok. i dont know what to do, i
guess ill keep typing. last night was good, and im pleased
with the shows. it was postive and we got lots of exposure
and recognition, we got the starletta, werdy girl, and
heart core word out, among others. i explained the heart
in a box theory to jim someitme. here it goes...

(for all purposes: this applys mainly to emo
boy/girl relationshops or emo boy/non emo girl
relationships, this is a metaphorical theory not proven or
even logical all the time that is all)

a boy searches his life for a girl, a girl he can trust and
love enough to "give his heart to" this is referred to a
heart in a box, really a glass box. so he usually settles
for less than he wants because he is so eager to give his
heart away to a girl for her to take care of. a boy
supringly enough, only expresses his true emotion to
someone who does the same, as sociaty deams it, this is
only girls. so in theory, the boy, rushingly, gets into a
relationship, gives his heart away almost immediately in
the search of love, and pours his heart and deepest
emotions out to a girl. she will usually become
overwhelmed, being that she prematurely loved as well.
girls can express their emotions more easily, so its not a
problem for them, boys on another hand, reach the breaking
point and an overload. like jim said last night emotional
healing through crying, so ANYWAY the girl inevitbly breaks
the heart, actually the glass box, the heart remains
still. so maybe the glass gets scratched a little or
cracked, maybe even broken, when the boy gets it back, he
has this broken box with a heart that he cant do anythign
with because he doenst express his emotions, the boy has to
wait untill the next girl comes along so he can finally
free his emotions to her, and once again prematurely.
after every relationship, the boy comes out a little more
jaded, a little more wearied and a little more broken. so
somtimes you think of the hero heart breakers as girls, but
in actuallity, the boys are the heros, with their broken
boxes, callus attitudes, and yet, still, not able to express their