My MeSsEd Up LiFe
2001-10-26 22:16:59 (UTC)

What I Want For My Birthday (Besides a Pony)

ok,there's this guy. if you know me it's pretty obvious who
I'm talking about. but anyway,I've never met anyone like
him. it's incredible how much he reminds me of me! but
there's a problem. he like's me (at least I think he does)
but he doesn't want a girlfriend. how do I know that? being
the idiot I am, I ask him this completely moronic question.
I couldn't help it;I had to find out what was going on. I
still have no idea what is going on,or why I can be
completely normal on the phone,(ok,normal for me)but in
person my mind turns to mush and I become a babbling,
incoherent,swooning,lovesick puppy. ok maybe not that bad.
but pretty close. I want so much to tell him how I feel but
I'm afraid I'll scare him off. what's weird is that I want
him to be able to tell me important stuff about himself and
his life,but I haven't told him about any of the s*** I've
done, and been through. But.I.CAN'T!!! it would freak him
out! he would think I was a psycho,just like everyone else
does. I guess I'll just wait and if he asks I'll tell him.
and another thing,he asks me what I want for my birthday!
DUH!!!!I want to be his girlfriend! I want to know that
I 'm the only girl he likes. I want to be able to hold
hands and hug without being afraid he's going freak out and
think I...ok I don't know what he'll think. but it can't be
good. but most of all...ok this is embarassing. let me
start over. but most of all I want to kiss him. I know he
would probably be revolted by the thought of kissing me. I
know we're never in the right place at the right time to
kiss. but still,that's all I've been able to think about. ok, not ALL
I've been able to think about. I'm not obsessed or anything. and
obviously I don't want to spend time with him just because
I want to swap spit. he means a lot more to me than that.
but to be in his arms with his lips touching mine... that's
what I want for my birthday.