Insight into these broken wings
2001-10-26 14:49:18 (UTC)

I Cry when angels deserve to die

26 Oct 2001 - I cry when angels deserve to die

Current musica: System of A Down - Chop Suey

Honesty is the key....read at your own risk
12:12 A.M
Tomorrow is a day I am dreading....Alissa's funeral. She
is my neighbors baby girl only 3 months old...never knowing
pain and just like that she is gone. She was born with an
extra chromosome..or something like that and the outcome is
always fatal. Alissa is the youngest of three girls...the
oldest being my little sisters age and best friend, Emily.
Emily is only 7 and I can't imagine her comprehending such
a depressing event. I remember Emily's mom coming to pick
emily up from her play date with my sister and she would
always bring alissa and she was so beautiful....so
beautiful. I have this thing for little ones...I can't
explain it they just make it so wonderful...so simiple. The
other day I saw this little boy at party city in his black
bat man cape and he was flying around the isle and he just
looked up at me with these big brown eyes and smiled so
contently as if saying "I'm the happiest little boy in the
world". I wish they could have taken me instead. I would go
in a heart beat without any second thoughts. It's not fait
it had to be her. The pain in unbearable. Not just
that...rummors have started around school...such a third
grade ritual....rummors that is. I'm sick of it. But yet I
go on smileing every day. Rehearsal is the thing keeping me
alive. Pat and Molly and Russ and Jakie and Andy and Liz
and just everyone. They are all so funny...so incredible at
making me feel better. Russ and I have really bonded and I
love that he's opening up to me...it makes me feel
important...same with Jackie. Last night Jakie and Russ and
I all went in our little "sleep corrner" and fell
asleep....with random poking here and there to pi$$ the
other off. It was wonderful. Andy put me in high spirits
today too...he told me that I had a great personality and I
guess I just don't hear that enough. John and Charlie
randomly IMed today and that always makes me smile....just
to know they care enough to say hi once and awhile and I
think John and I might head up there tomorrow
night...depending on how the funeral effects me. Kevin also
struck of a conversation and told me he missed me and it
sucks to be so far away from him all the time cause I feel
like he's missed so much and I miss him more and more every
day...but yeah. My body is killing me. I've pulled
everything in soccer....both hamstrings...and molly had a
very rough time giving me a back massage today because of
the manny knots.....I swear I'm falling apart... but with a
smile...It can't be that bad... I know one day my prince
will come and give the best back massage ever and that will
be that....eventually that is...or mabey the cloister is
for me?