jillian

day 2...

so i went to class for the first time in 2 weeks... all my
teachers seem to think i have some life threatening disease
or something...

let's start from the top...

straight from highschool i went to purdue university... (my
smarts have kinda worn off over the past three years)...
things there weren't working out... so i finished one
semester... had what i have deemed as a nervous breakdown of
sorts... and withdrew during my second semester and moved
back home to 'da chi'. i worked my bum off at an 'adult
lingerie and novelty shoppe' and then went to school at
de paul university the following semester, but things there
weren't going so well... i was living in an apartment on the
northside and everytime i got on that 'L' i had panic
attacks and i would turn around and go back home... i failed
my classes there and decided to go to columbia college. i
entered as a film major and spent one semester there before
things went terribly wrong...

now with funds running short and my mind running away i
attend community college and i am failing miserably... but i
must attend school full time in order to recieve my parent
insurance benefits (or get my own job with benefits, uh
huh...) i have all sorts of physical problems which are
basically feeding off of eachother: my hormone levels have
drastically changed in the past few months for some unknown
reason and have caused me to (1) grow painful cysts the size
of fucking golfballs on my ovaries (2) break out (3) lose
about 25 lbs... which isn't so bad (but the weight loss also
has to do with the medicine that my psychiatrist put me on)
i was also born with a bleeding disorder called von
willebrand's disease... which is also part of the reason why
i have these cysts on my ovaries... anyways... last week...
one of them ruptured (dun dun dun) which was probably the
most painful thing that has ever happened to me in my entire
life... i realize this is all fine and disgusting but it's
what happened... and i had to go to the er and they gave me
demerol and i was so happy... and then it wore off... but
the pain had subsided...

but i miss class all the time because off these reasons and
my mommy had called the school and told them that i had been
hospitalized and i finally came back today... and they all
treated me very kindly... now all of my sentences have
become one long sentence as i have grown very tired and i
realize that yesterday i said i wanted to die... but i am
still here