Being a Biology major has made me a moron
[From a post I made on the SP message board]
-I see a squirrel run up a tree or the side of a building.
Then I try. I get bruised up. I also figured out that I
can't run across wires the other day.
-Birds. You can figure out the rest.
-Whales and dolphins. No matter how many times I try to
swim up to the surface and come flying up into the air, I
fail. Last time I got beached and thought I was going to
-Octupuses. I swim around in pools trying to wrap girls up
in my tentacles, and then wonder what the hell they are
talking about when I am in court for "sexual harassment"
-Squid. I tried to shoot stuff out my backside to scare
away a bully and ruined a perfectly good pair of boxers.
-Chimpanzees. I tried swinging from a branch by my tail.
After I realized I didn't have a tail, I cracked my skull
in three places.
-Ants. See, they go around like badasses, carrying things
that weigh like 400x their body weight. I tried to carry my
car home on my back when it broke down, but it kind of
-Bees and wasps. Every now and then I get the idea that I
can sting people, and then they just ask me why I rammed my
ass into them so hard.
-Mosquitos. I get hungry and dig my teeth into people's
arms. Then they call me a vampire.
Being a biology major has made me RETARTED!