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2001-10-26 04:54:17 (UTC)

Midnight blues

why is it that always at midnight i feel scared.... maybe
its because its the start of a new day . or perhaps its
because i am reflecting on the things that happend
earlier.. reall y i dont know. yet tonight i find myself
thinking about life....
life.. what is it? is it the time in which we measure our
exsistance. or perhaps... the hell in which we suffer. I am
not sure. However, these are the thoughts that haunt my
dreams. I soppose, maybe everyone at some particular time
ponders life. I know I do quite often. Its midnight and i
should be in bed. Yet I find myself compelled to sit here
and write.
Really though I should be in bed. Just so I wont miss
sonic and lil crazy, yet i cant sleep. Debating things
latly. I read this book once entitled "Crime and
Punishment" it was rather intriguing. I might
add..enlightening. It gets inside the criminals mind. It
shows Reaja ( russian) going mental. It potrays Reaja.. as
more the viticim then his wife, whom by the way Reaja
murders. His wife was an obessed women who was constantly
nagging him. My question, does unhappyness mean the
downfall on human life. Just because one is discontent
should they take matters into there own hands and kill
another human being? I think not, however, I can still
I am in a rather thoughtful mood tonight, rather then
my normal poeticness. I dont feel like describing beauty.
Maybe I need to feel loved. Normally I do. How can one
person be sorrounded by ppl yet feel so all alone, and
helpless. I am sorrounded by ppl who love me, care for me,
yet..theres something missing. My reality is slipping away.
Things I held true, are no longer the truths in which I
measure my being. I think .. there for I am ? or is it I am
there for I think?
"if prick me do I not bleed?" Meaning..we are all
human. Yet, all different. I think differently, therefore I
am unique. If I thought the same would that truth be a lie?
Deep thoughts at midnight. I cant help it though my mind is
troubled. I have to much to think about for it not to be.
Who can sleep on pieces of thoughts and dreams? Not I ..
Not I.
Have you ever looked into a mirror, looked deeply
into the image, and thought I see nothing. I mean hollow
eyes. Clouded windows we use to see out into this
mysterious life. I look at life threw clouded eyes. I think
I try to hide from myself, Rather then facing the reality
of myself. I dont think I am making sence, but then again
to me it all seems so perfectly clear. Why open yourself
up. Why let anyone see into your soul. Are we just suckers,
letting ppl in. Sure sometimes, you find love, happiness,
and deep rooted joy. But on the ladder, you also find hurt,
saddness, grief, sorrow and pain. Is it worth it?
Oh my God...the feelings back. The feeling of being
trapped. Like I cant breathe..please god...make it go away.
Can't breath..I hate this. . God! Help me...take it
away..Im trapped inside my self. God damn
it...Breath ....breath...need to breath...
Fuck, I hate that. Hate feeling like that. Everynow
and then I get this eerie I cant get out of
my skin fast enough. Like just the confinds of my body is
to much for me to take.