Infiniterocker

hello kitty cat
2001-10-26 04:44:26 (UTC)

pure

So today Shonee came. I was really happy..it's so great
when he's here and Alex is so happy..it's great. I love
driving around with them. There is something about just
being with Alex, Shonee and Jason that makes sense. It's
not like most things....it's not typical. Well obviously
it's not. I guess I'm not explaining it well. We went out
to eat and then we all ended up at the mall..some guy hit
on me again for like the 3rd time...he works at
abercrombie. I don't know why he did though...cause it's
not like I was looking extra cute or anything...he works at
Amy's..so maybe I can get him to get me a job lol. I bought
the new Incubus...it's really good..but there is something
about it. I'm guessing it will grow on me the more I listen
to it. I was talking to Jason about moving out today. I
mentioned to my Dad how I want to get my life started and
he flipped out and said I couldn't. It's funny that he has
the fucking nerve to tell me I can't..and then not even
notice I live in this fucking house unless I'm doing
something wrong. I'm sorry Dad. I'm sorry that you never
noticed I grew up when Mom almost died the first time. He
never notices. I'm sorry I can take care of myself. I'm
sorry I won't always be there to clean up your shit. I'm
sorry I won't always be there to PUT UP with your fucking
shit. I plan on trying my best to be happy. I don't want to
have to worry. How can he be so oblivious...? How do you
have children and treat them like they just terrible things
that are incapable of learning. Jason doesn't even feel
comfortable in my house. Because it's empty. No matter how
full of crap my house has ever had..it's always been empty.
That's what kept me in my hole for so long..sometimes I
trip and fall back in. But that's how it's always been.
He's also worried about my Dad flipping out...My Dad isn't
consistent. He is so concerned about himself...but then he
turns around and calls me selfish. Life is selfish..love is
selfish. You...are selfish..everyone is selfish. I don't
sleep anymore. I hope I'm not getting sick. I hate not
feeling safe. I have to move out. I need to get out some
how.

lost your head, now you sleep on the floor
what you said, i don't want anymore
through the haze, make your eyes up to ache
out in space, days away

through these eyes
i rely on all i've seen
obscured
through these eyes
it looks like i'm home tonight

left for dead as you sweep out the cold
things we said we don't need anymore
tale inside her like a fallen kite
hey, hey, yeah

through these eyes
i deny on all i see
obscured
through these eyes
it looks like i'm home tonight

what you said made a mess of me
what you said, i don't want
obscured