my deepest desire
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2001-10-26 01:57:10 (UTC)

My yesterday

Well the movie turned out pretty good... i thought it was
all just going to be some kung fu stuff and no plot at
all.. some no brainer. but i was surprised. it was good =)
i haven't seen a movie in awhile.. the company was ok i
guess. i don't know.. my friend and i don't get along that
well nemore. he used to go to school with me when i was in
singapore. so we just decided to catch up but we're all so

I found myself missing him more than anything when i'm in
the company of someone. like last night, i just kept
wishing he was there watching the movie with me. he'd have
really liked it too because it's the kinda of fighting that
he's interested in. we'd have had so much fun. I found
myself wanting a kiss, a hug, an embrace from neone! just
so i could recapture it all with him.. and remember what it
felt like and when i opened my eyes i could find him there
in front of me and not some stranger. do you understand? i
can't let him go... but i have to... it's not a choice.
just like how it's not a choice that my thoughts keep going
back to him... i feel so sad... =*) He picked up his phone
last night when i tried calling and funnily it hurt more to
talk to him than when we weren't talking at all. i'm not
sure why. he sounded like he hated me on the phone, like he
was angry at me or something and that hurt. my whole life
disappeared when we stopped being together... and to have
him resent me or hate me? that's death in itself isn't it?
well it's already death having to be apart from him and not
being his world ne longer.

I know, i don't need him to be...

I wrote this for him

The sun rises and sets,
The sun is capricious
But my love is not.
Its light recedes but my love shall not.
The stars burn bright,
May diminish, may fall
But my love will not.
The rivers will dry but my love shall not.
No, my love will never be exhausted,
Will never dwindle,
Will never lessen.
My love always was and will always be, forever.
I have loved you from the beginning,
I will love you until the end.
Yet, there shall be no end.
I have yearned for you
And my heart is breaking.
Our memories haunt my innermost soul.
Will you not, if your love is true,
Sooth the pain in me?
When I was with you,
My happiness was realised.
I did not want to leave your side,
I want to be one with you in all things.
It is because you consume me and I can only conceive of you.
If I must not love you, then I am not whole.
There will always be something missing.
A part of me will wither and pale.
If I loved you and did not say,
Then my tongue would lie
And my heart be perjured.
My soul would not live,
But fade.
Even if you cease to love me,
I will not.
For my heart never failed to belong to you.
Do you understand that I must confess
These intimacies kept within me?
Or i would not be true to myself.
My soul is wholly and completely yours.
It always has been,
It will always be...
Think about me when you miss me.
You are always in my thoughts,
In my heart
And I will embrace you,
I will hold you close
Because I love you.