bluff before i

i'm tired...

i'm back...the tears are coming. i can feel it...my heart
is aching but i know that i'll get through this.

i love him. i care about him. i hurt him unknowingly...oh
yay, my face is now wet with tears. but i'm finally
starting to feel better...will he forget what was said? i
hope so. what we have has nothing to do with that guy...i'm
saying the same stuff over and over. forgive me, i can't
stop thinking about it.

i wish that we were holding eachother right now. talking to
eachother, just holding eachother. i miss him...that's it!
that's what keeps me thinking about it. it's the fact that
i miss him...monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday...when
will i see him again?...6 days?...not anymore...4 days,
that's right...i miss him. will i still see him on
saturday?...why not today?...because he's sick. so what!
who cares, i miss him. i don't care if i get any more sick
than i already am. i need to see him. if i don't i'll drive
myself crazy...i already am.

the way i feel about him is a great feeling. i want it to
last forever. he makes me feel beautiful. i want him to be
happy more than anything in the world.

this world that i see, the world that i'm living in, it's
all too confusing for me. when i think that things are okay
i'm always wrong. my mistakes suck a lot out of me. it
kills me slowly. i die more and more every time i hurt
someone, or find out that i'm not helping anyone by being
myself. i'm naive to reality, closed out from the world and
all it's people. i'm alone. it tires me out. sucks my life
dry...

i'm tired.

i want to fall asleep and never wake up.