bluff before i

my life, my world, my mind, my soul
2001-10-25 18:25:41 (UTC)

it sucks to be me...

today we had an assembly to introduce the homecoming
princesses. it was hilarious! the teachers did this back to
the future thing and it was so cool. i got to see one of my
teachers skateboard, another one danced, pretending he was
in a boyband, and the principle rode in on a motor cycle. it
was cool. i never saw my band teacher so happy(he was the
one who was in the boy band). it was funny!

i'm very tired because i didn't get to bed until 4:24 this
morning and my mom woke me up at 6:16...thank God that she
did or else i wouldn't have even got up. i wish i can fall
asleep. but i'll wait until 5th period.

i was out of it last night(or should i say this morning?).
i couldn't stop thinking about what i did. i went to my
room and i wanted to cry but it didn't come out. so it's
still locked up inside of me waiting to come out. i want it
to leave my mind now so that when i see him things will be
better.

why did i have to hurt him? i wish that i knew how he feels
right now. i would try to be there for him. i would tell
him that he can talk to me. and i would tell him that i
love him even though it might not even help. i hope that
what i told him didn't give him a change of heart for me. i
don't want to lose him because of someone he hates. i don't
want to lose him at all. i want him to be happy with me.

why do people write in diarys or journals?...there is some
stuff that is supposed to be private. but people tell it
anyway. i'm a hypocrite.

it sucks to be me.

i think that this is gonna be my last journal. no one reads
this diary of mine except for two people anyway. i think
the only reason why i applied for one is because i thought
that it would help. to get my feelings out. it doesn't, it
doesn't help at all. i feel so lonely. no one cares. they
read it but don't even understand what really goes on in my
mind. they don't comment. they don't ask me if things are
okay...why am i still typing?

why am i so sad?

*if i said anything in this that would make anyone of you
who reads this unhappy, please understand what i am going
through. i'm trying to tell of the love that i have for him
but it always comes out wrong. i'm sorry...i don't know if
i will end up doing another entry but knowing me i just
might. if i had a reason to i would.