Joshin Jane

Passionfruit
2001-10-25 15:45:23 (UTC)

10.25.01

CONT'D
last friday, she displayed the same degree of clarity when holly and
i were making plans to go out to dinner.
anita had disappeared somewhere so holls and i had to call my mother
for a ride.
where did we want to go?
Friday's, we said.
oh but Friday's is so...big....and public...there was a bomb scare in
a pennsylvania train station.
yes, but it's Friday's; people go to Friday's all the time.
can't you just go somewhere small? somewhere across the street?
mom, we can cut a class and go across the street any time we damn
well please.
well, i don't think i want to take you somewhere where you wouldn't
be safe.
we ended up in Princeton.
four days later, she bought rubber gloves and a painter's mask and
began opening our mail in the garage and immediately disposing of it.
last night, she told me that this anthrax, it might be in the ground,
it might be in the dirt, i could be bringing it into the house.
should i just stay outside?
i was already in hysterics and the advil was making me slightly shaky
and lightheaded.
you wouldn't have reacted the way you did if you'd been thinking not
just about yourself but about how your father's living, she said to
me this morning.
i was silent.
what's the plan?
what?
what are you doing today?
well, i don't know what i'm allowed to do.
don't be saracastic.
i'm not.
conversation drops off.

other things happened yesterday.
anita and i were so excited about my going to get my permit
validated; i couldn't wait to drive back to school after we'd picked
my things up from home.
but i kept veering to the right, apparently, and when i turned onto
the main campus road from behind the tennis courts, there was a curb
behind gris and i kept going and the curb kept being there and soon i
had a flat tire and a hubcap on the mcc lawn.

*chillin with CK outside pop wednesday night
*talking to casey on the phone
*the dirty pizza
*driving with anita - hun, pennington, stopping by jann's
and meeting her friends.
*diet coke in a bowl
*this morning's concert

Counting Crows:
Well I guess you left me with some feathers in my hand
Did it make it any easier to leave me where I stand?
I guess there might not be too many who would stand beside
you now
Where'd you come from? Where am I going?
Why'd you leave me 'till I'm only good for...

Waiting for you
All my sins...
I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you
All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming

Every night these silhouettes appear above my head
Little angels of the silences that climb into my bed and
whisper
Every time I fall asleep
Every time I dream
Did you come?
Would you lie?
Why'd you leave us 'till we're only good for...

Waiting for you
All my sins...
I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you
All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming

I dream of Michelangelo when I'm lying in my bed
Little angels hang above my head and read me like an open
book
Suck my blood
break my nerve
offer me their arms
Well, I will not be an enemy of anything
I'll only stand here

Waiting for you
All my sins...
I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you
All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming




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