my deepest desire
2001-10-25 04:25:28 (UTC)

Hush Hush Hush

Today is the first day I'm using this... I wonder if it'll
help.. hopefully since i sit on the net everyday neways.

Well I went to watch a dance performance by a Belgian group
last night called Hush Hush Hush... it was interesting i
guess. i've never seen nething like it before. They did a
little bit of acting but I was there more for the dancing.
It was breakdancing and hip hop music which wasn't so bad.
But it was only an hour so it happened a little too fast
before you could digest nething!

Well i tried calling him and the phone service he's with
says that he's not with the service nemore.. so is he
trying to disappear from the face of the earth? or just me?

a friend keeps telling me i've been played. yes, possibly.
but it's not nice to keep telling me that and making me
just feel stupid! maybe he's trying to help me as a friend
or maybe he just wants me for himself. but he knows it
can't happen... not at all.

Last night i fell asleep dreaming that maybe he'd turn up
at my front door and when i went into my room he'd be there
and he'd hold me and tell me he truly loved me and i'd know
for sure because he travelled halfway across the world for
me and then we'd lie in bed just holding each other and
talking because we'd have so much to catch up on... but
then, things like that don't happen in real life do they? i
just don't want to give myself any false hopes.

tonight i'm going out with a friend to watch a movie and
have dinner. i hope i have fun because i really need it
right now.. just so i can forget about my sadness. i want
to move on. i don't know how and it is easier said than
done. really.