All on the table
2001-03-13 14:20:35 (UTC)

Exercise What Do I Want? She..


What Do I Want?

She smiled as she leaned forward
To softly kiss my lips.
In a voice as soft, she asked:
"What do you want?"

It threw me.
She knew it would.

I have asked that very question
Ceaselesslly to that other woman -
The one I thought to be my soul mate for life.
In early years, I asked with tenderness,
Thinking only and always of her alone,
Ignoring how little it was asked of me.
In progressing years, I asked with concern
To one who's persona always was in need,
And I explained away the lack of reciprocal care faithfully
Until in cranking the bucket up steep walls yet again
I found my well of compassion
Was dusty dry.

I still ask the question of that woman,
"What do you want?" but now,
The tone is tired, or irritable, or jaded,
Or just filled with despair
That this woman
Who once had been so strong in her independence
Would rather impose her vision on others
Than see.

"What do you want?"

She sees in my confused stare
My mind brushing away years of cobwebs
On a path my mind can't remember following.
She sees my attempts to switch
And volley the question back to her
Straining to show her the depth of my love in threadbare
She is too wise to let our nacent bond
Fall into traps she knows so well,
And traps in which I am still caught.

And so she demands, "No.
What do YOU want?"

The truth of her question breaks through
Dense forest boughs crowding over my head,
Letting shine around me a wisdom I long ago forgot,
Or perhaps never knew?

"Yes, I know what I want:

"Fun, solemnity,
Structure, spontaniety,
The broadest range of experience and comfort we can find;

A heavenly pairing,
Bound by love and respect for each other
That draws its strength from each's love for self
As God so loves each.

"I want the promise
Of what you have shown me could be,
And I want it with you, alone;

My true love."