Courtney's Pages
2001-10-24 07:27:51 (UTC)

3:02 am

I am sitting here at 3:02 am and wondering why I spent my
last one dollar bill on the wawa french vanilla
cuppachino. No doubt that I will be up for hours still. I
haven't let out a single yawn yet. This is alright with me
however. I used some time to get my Intro to Art notes all
organized and now I can goof off and listen to MY music
instead of that same old burned CD that my roommate has
melted into the cd player. A lot of people have been
wearing on my nerves lately. I guess that it is the fear
of the unknown that is ahead for me that is really getting
to me. I dont know if I want to teach anymore. I dont
think that I do want to teach anymore. I want to work in
the woods or at a youth camp. Maybe I could work on a
cruise ship or at a ski resort in the poconos. This is
where I want to live for the rest of my life. I know that
much. The rest is a mystery. I have been letting this
fear get to me and I am taking it out on other people.
Little things are starting to bother me about people. I
find that I don't apreciate it when my friends talk poorly
about others. I also am tired of hearing the lyrics from
one of the songs on that burned CD of my
roommate's:"another day another big break another cigarette
and I think I'll be okay." Funny how that seems to be the
story of my life. I hear the hounding constantly about my
smoking. What am I supposed to do? The people who are
hounding me don't smoke and never did. They don't know the
pain of quitting. They don't know the constant temptation
of walking down the street and simply paying $3.99 for a
pack of Marlboro Menthol Lights. I have tried to quit
smoking, but I just cant do it. Not yet. I will sometime,
but the time is not now. I am glad they care enough to
hound me about it. This song is terrible. I don't know why
I listen to this stuff. F the Police? What kind of message
am I sending? Having this song on my hard drive? I don't
know what is wrong with me. Well the fruits of boredom
have been put down on this silly screen to bore goodness
knows who. Maybe it will scare some people too. For those
who may get scared, don't worry I am harmless and I don't
have a criminal record. I just have a lot of caffine in my
system from a Wawa cuppachino and too much free time on my
hands. If it bothers you maybe you should call Wawa
coustomer service. Well I think that it is time to go and
read Left Behind, a very good book. Yes kids today still
read! I know I am as shocked as you are because yesterday
I discovered that I am not the only person who reads for
pleasure in my age group (18-24). In fact several of my
friends read for pleasure also. But as I said time to
read. Sorry if I scared you. Thanks for the how to on
getting my own diary Beth (she reads for pleasure too)!