Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2001-10-24 05:12:35 (UTC)

I just need to write

I don't know what it is, but I feel wierd right now. I just
need to write it our or something. I have no started my
homework for tomorrow. I can get it done though, I just
need to do 14 thumbnails. I also need to get into the lab
and do the assignment that is due. I forgot to check and
see if we had one due and we due. Oh well, I can do it.

I have this bad feeling in my stomach. I don't know if it's
because I didn't eat much for dinner or what. It doesn't
feel like simple hunger because I did snack on food for a
while. I just didn't eat a real meal.

I'm mad becuase I didn't have any mail today. I am waiting
for a letter and a package. I'm hoping they arrive soon.

I haven't talked to John much today. We talked for a few
minutes before he went to class. He had a test today. I
hope he did well. I think he could have, but he said he
didn't study. He doesn't study much. Neither do I, but we
won't talk about that...

I had a great time going home this weekend. I wish I was
there right now! I just don't feel like being at school. I
want to be back at home where there aren't any worries.

I'm eating Gummy Strawberries again tonight. They are good,
but I still can't figure out why I like them. They taste
like any other strawberry candy. They aren't any better
than regular gummy bears or whatever your gummy fetish is.

I had popcorn earlier. I just felt like having it. It
would have been better if I ate dinner or something. Oh
well, it's in my tummy now.

I painted my nails again today. This time they are green
with purple and silver slivers on them. I like the color
combo. At first I wasn't sure as I put it on, but I like it
now. That's a good thing since I'm way too lazy to take it
off. I was too lazy the other day to put a new color on. I
did manage to get the old color off. It didn't last long at
all. I put it on because I wanted to look good when I met
Miranda. It was starting to chip when we went skating and
was getting really bad the next day. Oh well, it was all
the cheap stuff.

I miss John. I wish he was here right now to give me a hug
and lay with me. But he's at home or soon to be at home. I
bet right now he's on his way to his house. I hope he did
well on his test.

It was a good day today. Backstreet Boys were on TRL. It
was funny. They made everyone think that they were in
another country and then ran out. I was going just as nuts
as the other fans in the studio audience. I swear my heart
almost stopped when I saw Nick. He has his hair slightly
long and one earing in, his right one.

Brian was wearing a bandanna. He always looks good in one.
Kevin had his hair up in a ponytail. He has been looking
great lately. His and Brian's wives are really lucky!

I'm happy with John. He makes me happier than I have been
in a long time. I'm coming up on one year since my Grandma
died. She was the first of three to die last year. I am
very sad right now. I think it's because I'm coming up on
one year. It's going to be really hard next month when we
get closer to the actual day. It's the 15th, the day after
John and I's 2 month anniversary. It's hard to realize that
she is gone. I wish I could go back in time, but I can't.
I remember the last thing I said to her was "I Love You
too." That is what makes her death manageable. I wish I
had been able to say that to my other Grandma and Great
Aunt. I had no clue any of the three would die. Grandma S.
went in her sleep. One day the neighbor couldn't get her at
the door so she called my uncle. A buddy of my uncle's
checked the house and there she was, on her bed. He tried
to knock on the window and wake her up, but it was no good.
She was dead.

Grandma B. was doing well until maybe the week before. My
aunt came up from New Mexico. It was a good thing that she
did. The last time we thought Grandma was going to die we
didn't think she would get there in time. This time she was
there. They called me and said Grandma was sick. I was
going to head over the next day to see them. She ended up
dying that night, before I had a chance to see her one last
time. She was such a wonderful person!

With my Great Aunt it was such a shocker. One day we were
saying we'd see her again soon and the next I get a call
that she's gone. She was fine the day before, I don't get
how she could just go in the night, but she did.

All three of them went in their sleep. I guess it's
painless, but that's all it has going for it. I hope I go
in my sleep. Maybe I'll go tonight, that wouldn't be bad
for me. It would be terrible for John and my family...When
it comes and knocks on my door then it does. God has death
in his hands and says when I go. I'm willing to let him
deal with all of that.

Well, John is on now. I'm going to talk to him for a while. =)~




Ad: