The shit that happens
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October 23, 2001
I broke up with J. I had to. It wasn't fair to him to
continue. i didn't love him and he was falling deeper and
deeper in love with me. I hung out with R today. we saw
a french movie . it was good...sad...i don't think
hanging out with him is the best thing for me. he confuses
my feelings. we took a shower together this morning but
when i offered sex...he said no. he was strong today. i
was horny and it's easy...too easy. there is this guy
C that is a friend of E's and i really like
him. he makes me nervous and reminds me a little of JP.
i called him today and he called me back but i thought he
was going to call me tonight but he didn't. I wish he
would have...it feels good to be excited about a boy. i
hope he calls tomorrow. I want to hang out with him...he
seems real and would understand my situation with R.
I just mentioned four boys in a paragraph!! maybe i have too much
going on in my life!! maybe the boys are too distracting?? Is it so
bad to want to be loved by someone that I can love back?? I
sometimes feel like I don't deserve it...that's why i let the ones
that love me go and chase the ones that don't care. I swear I am
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