bluff before i

my life, my world, my mind, my soul
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2001-10-23 18:03:54 (UTC)

everything to me...

okay...i'm at school again in my computers class. we're
getting new computers so i'm in the computer lab right now.
there really isn't much to do right now. except to write
what i have on my mind...

well...i saw my boyfriend yesterday and i was having fun
with him. until we started arguing. i was scared that i'd
lose him over it but i didn't stop. i kept going. i really
hope that he's not still mad at me. we talked about it but
it might still be a problem. i'm hoping that it's not. i
don't want to lose him and i think that if i did i'd be
really sad. it's just that everything seems okay when i'm
with him. it's like i'm so sure about "us" more than
anything in the world. and if i'm down, i just think about
him and things are better because i feel like he'll always
be there. i don't ever want to lose him...i know that there
will be arguments but i don't want to lose him over
something that can be worked out. i feel sad that this
happend. he said things are weird. i don't want things to
be weird. i want things to be back to normal, he does too
but that might take a while, and i'm willing to make it
happen...

i honestly feel that i need him in my life. he's the only
person that i've been really talking to lately because my
friend has a problem of her own that needs to be solved and
she needs my friendship right now so i don't want to talk
about my problems with her until she's ready to talk about
other things. i feel comfortable talking to him anyways. he
will listen to me when i need him to and i know that he
understands. he's a good friend. he's my best friend right
now and i hope that he'll always be...

we were talking online yesterday and he doesn't want me to
go to my prom. i thought that it was funny that he said
that but i think that he was serious. i don't want to make
him uncomfortable about it but it always meant alot to me
to be able to go to my senior prom. i have been looking
forward to it for a long time...i'm going to his and i told
him that he doesn't have to go to mine but that i'm going
to mine with or without him. he's not comfortable with the
fact that i would go with someone else. he said that he
might go to mine. he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to.
i understand that he might worry. but i'll wait for him to
deside on it. but if it comes down to it...i might not even
go if he doesn't want me to. we have a long time to talk
about it so i'll wait...

hmm...hehe...it's funny...(read on)

i don't know how to discribe my feelings for him. when i
think about him i can't help but smile. every thing that he
considers his flaw is the one thing that i love the most
about him. he's everthing to me... :)


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