The Shadow of Myself
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2001-10-23 17:47:03 (UTC)

I've decieved myself...

I've decieved myself. I've been lost in my own thoughts..
too far away to see the truth.. and how I really feel. So
now I don't know.. but I pretend I do. I say it's
alright... I'm fine with how things are. But what do I
really know?

Days go by too fast. I think about it all the time. I
tell myself it's gone.. and I say I don't care. That's how
I do it.. thats how I decieve myself.

How did it all start anyway? It started just the way it
began--deception. I wanted to have something perfect.
Something that doesn't exisit. So I made it all.. it was
never real. It never happened.. I made it up. It was
beautiful while I lived in the lie.. until I saw the
truth. I saw it so suddenly and painfully. It is really
hard to have to tell yourself that you've been living a
lie. You don't know what to do.. or what to think. You
know you've gone to far.. and you tell yourself you'll
never let it happen again. But you know that's not the
case.. b/c it has happened so many times before.

So you're stuck. You're stuck in the reality of yourself.
It's deeper than you know. It's more than you feel. And
the cycle starts again...

I've decieved myself.


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