this thing called life
2001-10-23 05:43:37 (UTC)

Getting Started

Brand new experience for me, putting my thoughts out there
for anyone to see. I've kept a journal for some time now
but I've always recorded thoughts that I thought would
never be read by anyone else. So, this is different.

I'm oftentimes a very introspective person and expressing
my feelings is very theraputic. So, I'll jump right in.
Recently, a girlfriend of mine broke up with me. I was
deeply hurt as I thought she was everything I wanted from a
woman. Her telling me that "its me not you" only clouded
things for me. What the Hell does that mean anyway? For a
few weeks I felt like a total schmuk, wondering if she'd
change her mind and come crawling back to me. I refused to
chase after her since I felt like doing so would be so
humiliating. I've broken up with women before and I've felt
so sorry for those that couldn't let go. At the same time,
if you love something shouldn't you fight for it? Isn't it
worth going after?

Well, tonight she called me and asked if we could get
together to talk some things over. Just what I was hoping
for, right? I'm elated, yet guarded. I don't want to
become this pathetic fool who'll do anything to get her
back. Afterall, she broke up with me; she stepped on my
heart and made me feel broken. At the same time, I have a
renewed sense of hope. Fuck, I'm so confused, or is it
pathetic?? So hard to tell....