Ollie Lemur

The Bemused Rantings of A Lemur
2001-10-23 05:17:45 (UTC)

Legs, I have legs! Thank god I have legs!

Look, I'm walking through the online journal! Huzzah and
merry skippy things liek that.

Now, let's get some things clear:

like is spelled liek sometimes
the sometimes teh
sometimes is sometimes soemtimes
and words that end in "ng" might end in "gn"

Others will follow and hopefully you'll catch on to my
spelling remakes.

So, I am Ollie. i write on occasion and spend the same
amount of time going to classes at College. College sucks
majorly. Especially since I am so far away and since I have
very little money and have been borrowing from my dear sweet
significant other. Yay debt!

My friend Rune just got an apartment right near where I need
to be going, but I dont have teh money to go live with him,
his brother, Muet, and Mike. I really want to.

But at the same time I don't, though I do more than not.

I have been living a few towns over in the home of my
signifcant other and said significant's family since Friday
teh 13th of July (Harrison Ford's birthday for all who
care. "Not that it matters...") How significant, non?

And I really like living here. I do.

But sometimes I just feel like such a burden. I get sick a
lot, physically and mentally. I was realyl bad this other
night where I actively wanted death to crawl into my bed and
take me into it's cold icy grip and pull me under. So i
symbolically buried myself under about 3 feet of blankets.
Close as I was going to get to 6 ft, right?

I felt bad, because Significant was really worried about me.
And kept saying things like "I miss you. Don't leave me."
And that just made it worse because then my option was taken
away because, dammit, I'd be leaving Significant behind to
feel hurt. And, as was said, "feeling like was being
eternally punished."

Grah and grr, might I add?

In other news, I've hit a large writer's block. I have 3
stories I should be workign on but each time I look at them
I feel nauseous.

And, then there's my mother and school. Yes, these two go
together. My mother wants me in school. I want to BE in
school. But the classes are SOOOOO boring.

Ok, first off, I registered early. THINKING that Early
Registration meant that I'd get the classes I wanted. But
nooooo, it only meant that I was a number. Go statistics! We
count, really we do.

But, yeah, so the four excellent classes that I wanted to
take were full by the time I foudn out that my registration
was falsified. And I did it over the phone too, what the
hell?

I wouldn't have even have found out about my not having
classes if I hadn't went to drop one of the four to lighten
my load.

So now I have 2 classes that bore me to death (well, near
death at least) and one that's cool but not worth driving
the 30 minutes to get to class.

If only I had the good paying job enough to stay with
Runestar and Company.

But nope, I work for minimum wage in a department store,
selling men's shirts and ties all day.

I also haven't actively gone to class in a while.

I want to go to class- I want my mother to be proud of me,
because I've hurt her a lot by moving out this summer. I
really love her a lot and it hurts when she doesn't respect
my decisions. But I dont want the mental anguish of going
back to boring classes. I freak out when I go to class. And
they're pretty expensive. Significant has tried to place a
no-way-out on me (hoping to help me into a decision) by
telling me that I'm not gettign any more money for school,
which was really what I was borrowing money for in the first
place. If I hadn't gone to school this semester, I woudl
have been able to pay my car insurance on my own.

My parents are fine with me taking the next semester off.
but I want out now. I'm just really torn.

And I'm torn about moving in with Rune. I've become so
comfortable living with Significant. I like sleeping beside
each other and knowing that we're there, together. But at
the same time, it's really uncomfortable, especially the Dad
of the house. He's a nice guy, but he's just really tactless
with how he words things, and I get uncomfortable in his
presence. :( It sucks. But the sister and brother are really
cool.

i just feel like I have to avoid contact, lest I become too
attached and finalyl decide to move in with Rune. I really
want ot live in two places at once.

How amusing that before I met Significant I had only the
attic above the garage to call my home (and that was not
fun. Maybe another post will describe my former home life,
but not tonight.) And now I have two more than willing
options, both places that seem to realyl want me to go with
them.

I just dont want to have both run out. Living out of my car,
especially with teh load of "random junk" I've managed to
tote around with me, would not be cool at all.

Aggrivation.